-Unknown Athena
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Stupidity and Poor Planning
I had an idea. I wanted to have a party. Screw Valentines Day and everyone being all lovey dovey with their partners, I wanted to have a party. But no party for me. I planned to late. No one can come. Tears are falling down my face. I feel like a loser. This isn't good. The voices. They're coming back. In whispers, the tell me, "stop eating, it's not worth it. what's the matter, wus? have no friends to give you joy? hah! sucks, loser. hope you enjoy your worthless life, with no friends at your funeral. look, there are some knives just feet away from you. they're shiny. they'll make you feel good. that blood? yeah, that's the sign of a good time. you should try it. c'mon, don't be scared, you dumb-sh!t! you're not wanted anyway. hurting yourself is good. c'mon, we're waiting...". I'm going f*cking insane, aren't I? I can't enjoy this month t all. I'm single, loveless, unwanted, an outcast; I could go on and on and on. This isn't fun. Life isn't fun. I want to relapse but I can't get myself to commit. Gods, what the hell is the point of life if I can't even have friends to enjoy it with?
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Don't let the voices win, tell them to fuck off! You could have a party just after v day? Then your friends can come :) And your not insane, i hear voices too, its just the depression, even though it maybe scary >< xx
ReplyDeletehang in there darling. Valentine's day is hard even for lots of ppl. I have a bf and I'm still sad bc we're long distance and can't spend the day together like all the other couple around us. Just think of how different things could be this time next year and how happy you'll be knowing that you allowed yourself to reach that happy moment instead of caving in to the sadness.
ReplyDelete<3