Stupidity and Poor Planning

I had an idea. I wanted to have a party. Screw Valentines Day and everyone being all lovey dovey with their partners, I wanted to have a party. But no party for me. I planned to late. No one can come. Tears are falling down my face. I feel like a loser. This isn't good. The voices. They're coming back. In whispers, the tell me, "stop eating, it's not worth it. what's the matter, wus? have no friends to give you joy? hah! sucks, loser. hope you enjoy your worthless life, with no friends at your funeral. look, there are some knives just feet away from you. they're shiny. they'll make you feel good. that blood? yeah, that's the sign of a good time. you should try it. c'mon, don't be scared, you dumb-sh!t! you're not wanted anyway. hurting yourself is good. c'mon, we're waiting...". I'm going f*cking insane, aren't I? I can't enjoy this month t all. I'm single, loveless, unwanted, an outcast; I could go on and on and on. This isn't fun. Life isn't fun. I want to relapse but I can't get myself to commit. Gods, what the hell is the point of life if I can't even have friends to enjoy it with?

-Unknown Athena

I like this idea...

First, I'm really sorry I haven't posted in the past 2 days. My goal at the beginning of this blog was to post every day, but I kinda, sorta failed :|. Most likely I failed to reach my goal at the beginning of this blog. Ack! Bad talk! Don't self hate on self! Yeah, these are my new tools to boost my self esteem. Which brings me to this website I found called Operation Beautiful. It's basically this site where they try to spread the word of getting everyone to stop the bad self-talk, and now I'm really excited to try it. I'm not so sure (because it's hard to tell, obviously) how many girls in my school do self-hate, but now I can't wait for school tomorrow to put post-its in the bathroom! Aw, I wish I learned about this site yesterday! Then I could've put them in the locker room as well! Oh well, I have gym on... Friday. Yeah, Friday. You have no idea how happy I was when my "team" (the school's social worker, psychiatrist and nurse) told me I could start doing gym again. I practically screamed!

Post-It Notes and Kisses,
Unknown Athena