Stupidity and Poor Planning

I had an idea. I wanted to have a party. Screw Valentines Day and everyone being all lovey dovey with their partners, I wanted to have a party. But no party for me. I planned to late. No one can come. Tears are falling down my face. I feel like a loser. This isn't good. The voices. They're coming back. In whispers, the tell me, "stop eating, it's not worth it. what's the matter, wus? have no friends to give you joy? hah! sucks, loser. hope you enjoy your worthless life, with no friends at your funeral. look, there are some knives just feet away from you. they're shiny. they'll make you feel good. that blood? yeah, that's the sign of a good time. you should try it. c'mon, don't be scared, you dumb-sh!t! you're not wanted anyway. hurting yourself is good. c'mon, we're waiting...". I'm going f*cking insane, aren't I? I can't enjoy this month t all. I'm single, loveless, unwanted, an outcast; I could go on and on and on. This isn't fun. Life isn't fun. I want to relapse but I can't get myself to commit. Gods, what the hell is the point of life if I can't even have friends to enjoy it with?

-Unknown Athena

I hate this... A lot...

Does anyone feel the same way? About rejection, that is. R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N, rejection. By definition (taken from Wikipedia):
"... in psychology, an interpersonal situation that occurs when a person or group of people exclude an individual from a social relationship"
Doesn't it sound just lovely?... Not. I mean, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would be, because a few of my friends and even a bit of myself thought that I'd get rejected anyways, but still... How does one face the truth? I pretty much confessed! A re-worded freaking confession! Well, I said "as friends," so does it count as a confession? I hope not, or this could get awkward. At least it's not like I'm now part of a small section of those who've been rejected. A lot of people have been rejected, considering how many people have asked someone. Well, then again, it's just an 8th grade boat dance, nothing big, like Senior Prom :/...

-___-
Unknown Athena

P.S. I tried Chinese food for the first time in months! And I'm not talking about the diet menu, the REAL DEAL, covered-in-oil crap. And it actually tasted okay, until the guilt came in... Hate guilt...

"HANDS UP!"

Alright, I haven't posted in what, over a month?! I'm crazy, and I'm really sorry. But, I can explain. I actually have a few reasons, and maybe you'll understand a bit. Yes? No? Well then...

1) My laptop died. I'm not talking about the battery. It just died. It's being evil on me. But the poor thing's lived a long life since 2003. First it was my dad's laptop for work, and it got worked to death. Then somehow it became mine, and it was a pretty good laptop, nix all the Trogen-virus-things it's had in it's lifetime. But now, may it rest in peace... Until I can think of a way to fix it.

2) School. I have three regents to prepare for. A "Living Environment" Regent (A.K.A. a fancy-shancy way of saying "Biology"), an "Intergraded (Can't spell it...) Algebra" one, and a "Spanish 1" one. And I wasn't for school in two weeks (I'll explain in #3), so when I came back to school I was a dumb blond in Harvard; confused.

3) I relapsed. I relapsed, I relapsed I FREAKING RELAPSED. I didn't want to. I didn't even fully try. It just happened. And I went back. For three freaking weeks. And on the Monday of Spring Break, too. Life is just not fair my fellow cyber-surfers. Not. Effing. FAIR.

Every day at that "prison", I like to call it, was exasperatingly painful. I mean, I did have some fun times, coloring and making bracelets and playing dumb with the doctors, but in total, it pretty much sucked. And the last two days before my discharge, I was crying. I was in freaking HYSTERICS. I was so scared. Scared that I may relapse. Scared that I'd miss all the regents, or fail them. Or not go to the Boat Dance (the 8th grade equivalent of a prom), or even graduate middle school. The school that everyone graduates. But that was just me thinking of worst-case scenarios, so hopefully none of that happens. And I already got my boat dance dress, so if I can't go I may as well kill someone.

Happy Killings,
Unknown Athena

P.S. I'm really sorry, about not posting. The hospital doesn't have computers!!
P.P.S. In happy news, my apple plant is like, a foot tall. And has lots of leaves. YAY!!!