Crack

   Today was interesting, it had it's ups and downs. I guess the only thing I'll share today was in health class. Don't get me wrong, I love health class, and the teacher (she's WONDERFUL!), but today, I cracked a bit.

   Even though I've patched up the pieces of myself from my eating disorder a while ago, I couldn't help but feel my throat tighten and tear up when we got to the topic of eating disorders. Of course, I knew almost as much (if not equally) about eating disorders as my teacher, and I know I should ignore it, but then she said, "eating disorders never fully go away from the mind", I started crying a bit. Luckily, she didn't notice a thing.

   At lunch, I felt fat as f*ck from that (I have health right before lunch two out of the eight days in my school's cycle), so when I went to the local coffee shop to get hot cocoa, I ordered a small rather than a large, with skin milk, and no marshmallows or whipped cream. It tasted okay, but my sh!tty body image made it taste worse. The fact that I felt the need to order a more diet-y version of my favorite drink made me feel like sh!t.

On a brighter note, I only have maybe three to four hours of homework this weekend, then studying! Party! -____-

 

Stay Strong and Carry On xx,

Unknown Athena

Double Sided Sticky Tape...

There's a lot you all know about me, but also a lot you all don't know about me. You know I was anorexic for awhile. You know I love volleyball and track. You know I love my dog very much. Did I ever talk about how I really want to be a model? If I didn't, I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier. Well, I really want to become a model one day. Don't laugh. It hurts to know that I'm most likely never going to be a model. But I want to. And I think that's okay. I'm 5 foot 7 inches, roughly 120 lbs. I'm not afraid of my body anymore. Personally, I don't give a damn if you tell me it's gross or whatever. I think that's fine for me. I'm tall, thin, and awkward. I like hot cocoa and Teen Vogue. I read Seventeen like there's no tomorrow. Style.com, well, that's another story. It's like my bible.

So this contest I speak of, it sounds really interesting. But I'm not sure that they're looking for a girl like me. The way they say it, they sound like they're looking for a plus size girl who would normally be shunned away by castings. I don't even know if they'd even consider me, but I want to try. What do you think? Do you think I have a chance at this? The prize is a trip to NYC for a photo shoot that may be featured in Seventeen magazine, a modeling contrast with Wilhelmina Models, and $1,000. I think that's pretty good, don't you think? Do you guys think I have a chance at this?...

-Unknown Athena