Ulh...

   I feel like a pig. My and my friend, F, were chillin' out and watching Say Yes To The Dress, and my mom brought us a bag of pita chips. F is skinny as hell, and even though everyone says I'm skinny, I feel like the f*cking potato. F ate maybe ten pita chips, whereas I ate around thirty.

   On another awful note, I didn't get accepted to one of the volleyball clubs I tried out for. I feel like $h!t. Not only am I fat, but I suck at volleyball. The club I'm trying out for next week is even more competitive.

Excuse me while I go cry.

 

-Uknown Athena

Crack

   Today was interesting, it had it's ups and downs. I guess the only thing I'll share today was in health class. Don't get me wrong, I love health class, and the teacher (she's WONDERFUL!), but today, I cracked a bit.

   Even though I've patched up the pieces of myself from my eating disorder a while ago, I couldn't help but feel my throat tighten and tear up when we got to the topic of eating disorders. Of course, I knew almost as much (if not equally) about eating disorders as my teacher, and I know I should ignore it, but then she said, "eating disorders never fully go away from the mind", I started crying a bit. Luckily, she didn't notice a thing.

   At lunch, I felt fat as f*ck from that (I have health right before lunch two out of the eight days in my school's cycle), so when I went to the local coffee shop to get hot cocoa, I ordered a small rather than a large, with skin milk, and no marshmallows or whipped cream. It tasted okay, but my sh!tty body image made it taste worse. The fact that I felt the need to order a more diet-y version of my favorite drink made me feel like sh!t.

On a brighter note, I only have maybe three to four hours of homework this weekend, then studying! Party! -____-

 

Stay Strong and Carry On xx,

Unknown Athena

Everyone Alive?

   Sorry I haven't posted in a bit. Because of the hurricane, I lost power and couldn't access the internet. Luckily we got our power back yesterday, but a majority of my town is without any power. No hot water, no electricity, no gas. Literally, my neighbor waited on line for over an hour to get gas. Now our town has none -___-.

   Also, I haven't had school all week because apparently, my high school's generator exploded. How and why, I have no clue. I never thought I'd say this, but, I actually really want to go to school! I'm so screwed for AP World and Chemistry!!

   My friend F is coming over tomorrow because she has no power. She came over on Halloween, where a good sixty little children dressed as ninjas and princesses and fruit came to trick or treat around my block, which normally gets no kids because we barely have any on my street. We went around the block and trick or treated. After a good ten years of trick or treating, we didn't even need to say, "Trick or treat!". I think my neighbors knew the drill.

   A lot of my other friends don't have power either, so I'm letting them come over and charge their electronics. Oh, and I have a social life (I know, IMPOSSIBLE!): I'm going to a party tonight! So pumped! I get to wear my ninja makeshift-costume once more!

Stay Safe!

-Unknown Athena

 

P.S. My brother took my bike, and I was gonna go biking through town to get some exercise. That little shit... He's gonna get hell from me!!

Piggy did Good for Once...

   I'm so tired it's crazy! Yesterday I had an all-day volleyball tournament. We had to be at the school at 7 am (on a SATURDAY!), and we got back around 6 pm. My coach made me play middle, and I usually play right side. That was interesting, in short. We played 5 games, and then we moved on and played a 6th game. Another team came that wasn't invited as well. Awkwaaaaaaaaaard...
  
   I ate like a pig, because the gym in the school we went to was huge and hot and gross. I drank a good three bottles of water, and snacked like a mad woman. There were SOOOOO many bad foods there: Chex Mix, pizza, cookies, candy, chips, popcorn, etc. I tried really hard to eat healthy foods, but it didn't exactly work out :(

   On the bright side, I played really well considering it was my first time playing middle. I got some blocks, some hits, and even got my serve in! My coach said that I got a starting spot on our game on Tuesday. I'm happy!!

Enjoy your three-day weekends!

-Unknown Athena

Sophomore Year = HELLLLLLLLLL

   So I haven't posted in a while... Please don't shoot me! I've been SO busy. The homework load for Algebra 2/Trig., AP World, Chemistry, Spanish and Studio Art are MASSIVE. I have a problem set, textbook work in AP World and A2T, a lab for Chemistry to finish, a million and six verbs to memorize for Spanish 3, and finish a bunch of sketchbook things for art.

   Oh yeah, and I have 3 hours of volleyball a day, and games go on until around 7-8 pm. And my mom makes me eat like a pig... And I'm on my period, so I'm fat as hell and I'm breaking out :(

   I want to crawl into a hole and come out only when high school is over for the year....

-Unknown Athena

Welcome Back!

Hey everyone, so today was my first day back at high school. I'm a sophomore... Woah. My classes were okay, but only 20 minutes long because we had a 2-hour delay (so the freshmen can get used to school by doing various activities with their "Big Buddies"), advisory groups, and an asembly. I already have a ton of homework, and it's crazy. I still need colored pencils for AP World, Chemistry and Spanish 3. I'm pretty confused. I'm in 10th grade, not 1st!

Oh, and volleyball is tough. School ends at 2:50 p.m., and volleyball practice is from 3-6p.m. It was really hot and humid, and after running around and playing, I was literally drenched in sweat. Hey, at least it's exercise!

Welcome Back Everybody!

-Unknown Athena

Nervous!

Today I have my first scrimage for volleyball. I'm so nervous! There are now 9 girls on my team in total. One of the freshmen quit to join the cheerleading squad. I literally died. Competitive cheer is one thing, but to quit volleyball to cheer for sweaty Juniors and Seniors who don't care at football games? Weird...

So yeah, I'm nervous. We technically don't have enough people to play, but we're pulling the two sophomores on Varsity to play on JV for now but act like they're trying out for Varsity. Lying is fun :)

I ate a bowl of Kashi instant oatmeal and a cup of hot cocoa (AKA: Nesquik and 1% milk in the microwave). I hope that'll sustain me until lunch, if I eat any...

Stay strong!

-Unknown Athena

Excited and Nervous: School

School starts on the 4th of September. I'm so nervous but also excited. I'm nervous because I don't know all of my teachers, but excited to see what sophomore year holds for me.

My Schedule:

P1: AP World

P2: Algebra 2

P3: English 10

P4: Health/Band

P5: Art

P6: Spanish 3

P7: Chemistry

P8: Lab/P.E./Study Hall

There's a volleyball scrimage tomorrow. There's only 10 girls on my team, total. Only 7 or 8 can make it. On the bright side... More court time for me!

Enjoy the rest of the summer!

-Unknown Athena

Nothing Can Compare to the Lack of Posting...

Oh hey guys, so, I haven't checked in with you for quite some time... I'm really sorry about that. My life has been really really busy lately, so the computer has felt like miles away from me. But I shall put my whole life from last time I posted until now in a pretty way, if you want to read it...

June 22nd, 2012:
I celebrated my last day of school (though I hadn't been in school since the 20th), and my birthday a day early. I had a BBQ at the park with a bunch of my friends, and we had a pretty good time, nix the rain, thunder and lightning. Hey, at least we got front row seats, if you know what I mean. We all hid under the pavillion like idiots, and blew bubbles while we waited for it to stop thundering. We were right there, near the water. It was both frightning and exillerating!

June 23rd, 2012:
My birthday! Except I didn't really spend it on myself. That morning, I went to my neighbor's bar mitzvah, which was okay, because I only went to the morning services. It was kinda cute, because my neighbor loves baseball. I mean, he really loves baseball, so the whole thing revolved around that. Then I slept a bit afterwards and went to my first Sweet 16. It was awesome, I'm not gonna lie. There was a Japanese theme, so there were candles and pink shells and origami people on the tables... It was seriously awesome! Plus it was at a fancy shmancy place, so that was a plus.

June 24th, 2012:
This day was fun, as well as (mostly) the whole week. I started volleyball camp at the high school, and I worked on my serve and hits. I was mainly helping the little kids, so they all looked up to me like I was God, along with a few of my friends from the volleyball team. Apparently I'm Queen of the Floor Nation, because I dove for the ball a lot and somehow ending up on the floor after almost every single play.

June 25th, 2012:
Had to help my dad and grandpa pack. My grandpa's kid sister passed away earlier this month, and my grandpa passed a few years ago, so he's going to move in with my dad. My really snotty aunt came over the next day and took all of my grandma's old jewelry. She brought my cousins, so my grandpa couldn't complain. I seriously want to kick my aunt in the vagina... She left nothing for me. She hadn't talked to my grandpa in almost 2 freaking years, and then just comes over and takes all of grandma's things, and leaves. What a bitch, I tell you!

June 26th, 2012:
Had to go to the doctor's office to get a physical; height, weight, blood pressure, all that jazz. Then I had to get two shots, for reasons I'm not really sure of. If I didn't tell you yet, I have the biggest fear of needles, ever, it's ridiculous! One of them was a two-part thing, so I have to go back in December to get the second half. I was a crying mess. I was shaking and bawling like a baby. My right arm got the shot that went into my muscle, so it was sore for a few days. The left arn got the other one, so it wasn't so bad. But still, I hate myself for being such a baby.

June 27th and 28th, 2012:
Flipping heat waves, enough said. Volleyball was hell because the gym felt like a million and two degrees F.

June 29th, 2012:
Because I was too much of a bloody, bawling mess on Wednesday, I had to go back to get bloodwork done on Friday. I was hyperventilating and shivering, and felt like I had a hangover afterwards (I've never been drunk or hungover, so I'm just using the word from what I've been told) because I was really dizzy. Then I went home and played with Delilah, so it was better

June 30th, 2012:
Got my late grandma's sewing machine back. It's from the 1950's (I think the guy at the Singer Store said 1955 was when they were manufactured), and hadn't been used in a good ten years or so, and it really needed some TLC. Me and my dad tried oiling it with 3-in-1 oil that you would use in cars... Bad idea. But the people over at the Singer Store fixed it up and now it runs perfect! After we took the sewing machine back, my dad and I went over to the diner and had lunch. Being in a fat-feeling mood, I got a salad with grilled chicken and honey mustard. It was pretty good and filling.

July 1st, 2012:
Felt like shit, so I literally slept all day. My mom woke me up for meals, but other than that, I slept like a baby.

July 2nd, 2012:
More shit-feeling, but less. My mom forced me to go to Kohls to get bras and shorts for camp, because I'm lacking proper shorts (they have to touch your thumbs or lower when your arms are at your sides...) and bras that actually fit me... Then I went home and slept more. I swear I'm becoming more and more like an owl... Or just a fat bear who hibernates during the summer.

So that is my life up until now. Hope you didn't fall asleep. My life isn't all fun and games, it's actually quite boring :\

Hope you stay cool in the heat! xx

-Unknown Athena

No Me Gusta Heat Waves

It is ridiculously hot out. Think in the high 90's! It's crazy. Yesterday, I was stupid and decided to take a bike ride along the river, and there was zero wind. Nada. Nothing. I'm pretty sure that I looked like I got sprayed with water, but that water was sweat. Gross. Meh.

When I got home I took the coldest shower of my life, but it still didn't feel that cold because I was so hot. At least I got to go swimming in my friend's pool afterwards. That's one of the perks of having friends with pools; you get to go in them! It was for some Girl Scout party, because we finished our hell-ish year. Yes, I'm a Girl Scout. Laugh all you freaking want. But I have access to the cookies, so I pretty much am a Goddess of the Cookies :3

On another note, I feel fat as heck because I had a lot of fear foods there:
-Pizza
-Pasta
-Full-fat dressing on salad
-Cake
-Cupcakes

It was like I was in an inescapable horror movie. So many fatty foods, and I couldn't say no! All the girls in the troop had made them, so I couldn't just say "No thanks" because it would be rude, and saying "I don't want to get fat" as a reason would be super rude.

So yeah, that's my summary of events. Oh yeah, I had my Geometry Regent on Wednesday. It was unbelievably easy. My teacher kept saying, "It will be really hard [so study your a** off]", but it was the easiest thing I ever did in Freshman year! Now I'm considered a Sophomore... It's weird...

Don't die in the heat!

-Unknown Athena

Feeling Better, Along With Other Things...

Completed my first Final of high school! This morning (at 8 in the morning) I had to go to school just to take a Global Final. To my surprise, I thought it was fairly easy. But, for all I know, I could have screwed everything up and got a zero.

As you can see, I'm kinda, sorta obsessed with memes at the moment. They're quite funny, sometimes. If any of you are on Instagram, follow edmemes . It's my wonderful take on my eating disorder. Follow at will :3

Also, I just got back from a bike ride with my twin brother. We don't usually get along all too well, but today, I guess we were on good terms and decided to take the bike trail. The bike trail in my town goes from one park to the other. It's around 5 miles altogether, but because my brother needed to go to basketball practice (he's crazy. going from biking to basketball with no break? idiot...), we only did around 4.5. Because I love my memes, here's another one, just for you:

Enjoy your Day!

-Unknown Athena

Another Goddess Has Returned to Mt. Olympus

R.I.P. Great Aunt Mary, aged 86 years. You will be missed, and forever in my heart.

I'm really sad, and stressed. My dad had called earlier this week, saying that my Great Aunt Mary (my grandpa's kid sister) was sick and in the hospital. Today, he called again, except his news was worse; she passed away. I was writing my English essay on Catcher in the Rye, but after hearing that, how could I continue? To mourn, my nails are painted black and one red (she was a very stylish lady back in her day), and I cried and slept until now. This all started around 7-ish. Now I'm eating yogurt, ulh. I need to stop eating, or I'll get fat. I can already tell I gained a bit this past month, probably while stressing over all my stupid finals and Regents...

Now I have a heavy heart and a helluva lot of work to do. I hope all of your hearts are happier than mine.

-Unknown Athena

p.s. I got a 100 on my Spanish 2 oral, which made my day, I guess.

Life: Updated

   Hey everyone, sorry about the absence in posting recently. Everything is either going to fast or too slow. School ends June 8th, but then we get smacked with Regents and Finals 'till the end of June. Track is going too fast. Track's ending this Wednesday for the JV-aged people, but I'm pretty sure it's still continuing on for the Varsity people. Our school's too cheap to have a JV team and a Varsity (and there's not a million kids doing track and field, so...) so we're all smushed together. Some meets it's everyone, some meets it's only freshman and sophomores.
   Anyways, I need to fill you in with my life. Gosh, I sound like one of those super-snotty fake-tanned steriotypical Westchester housewives -_________-. Whatever. Okay. Back to what I was saying, track's almost over, and I'm kinda sad. Yeah, I wasn't the best, but I sure as hell tried, and it was the only way I could exersize a lot and have it be okay with my mom. She's always on my tail. ALWAYS. I "forget" to eat yogurt or cereal or whatnot, and she thinks I'm restricting. I am, but I'm trying to be pretty darn descreet about it. Well, it's Mother's Day, so I can't complain. I made my mom French toast and coffee for her breakfast. My brother walked the dog for her at 6 in the morning. And my dad took us all out to eat for an early dinner. Sometimes I don't understand my mom and dad. They should hate each other (they're divorced!), but somehow they can still go out to eat with us and act like a normal, happy couple. They don't hug, or kiss, or hold hands, but it's still weird!

Happy Mother's Day Goddesses ;-) Give tus madres something to be happy about!

-Unknown Athena

A Won Failure for Me!

Hey guys! My week has been decent so far. I have a science test 8th period that I barely studied for, and an outline for an essay for Romeo and Juliet due tomorrow. Yesterday, I went to a track meet, home, us against the town next to us. Their guys were really fast, and wrecked our guys. Our cgirls killed their girls. I did high jump and discus. For high jump, I jumped 3'6", which sucked. My seed is 4'6"... For discus, my best was 48'8". I'm not sure which place I got, but I know I wasn't last! My twin brother did well in his events too. I'm so jealous of him; he can literally eat ANYTHING he wants to eat, from salad to cookies to oil-drenched pizza and steak, and still doesn't gain weight! So many guys think that a girl's dream is to meet their perfect man. BULLSHIT. A girl's number 1 dream is to be able to eat anything they want and not get fat!

-Unknown Athena

Week of Hell

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. And sorry for saying sorry so many freaking times. I seriously need to stop saying sorry so much : Anyways, I'm in school, in Arts & Crafts, a.k.a. the easy A class. I literally have a 97 average without trying. It's the same with my 98 average in Spanish, but that might be because I have a sucky teacher who is super slow. At least I don't have him today. But this week will be hell, let me tell you.

I have three known tests this week, all on the same freaking day!! On Thursday, first period (normally second period, but it's going to be a double even day, so...) I have a Geometry Triterm, which has the same concept of a midterm, only in the third quarter (even though it's the fourth quarter now...). After that, I have band. Then lunch. After lunch, I'm faced with a Spanish exam, which would be easy if I would actually memorize the meanings of the words and didn't have to translate English into Spanish. Of course my teacher would do it the hard way : After that, I'm hit with an Earth Science unit test on Earth's energy. Two or three weeks ago (I was on break last week, but I'm still counting it), I missed a day of school because I felt like total crap, and my evil teacher decides to start a whole new unit. BULL. ABSOLUTE BULL. So Thursday is going to make me want to restrict, maybe even cut. At some wierd Pampered Chef thing my mom made me go to earlier, I somehow won a paring knife. Of course I won the knife of all things. So now whenever I go into my room, I see the shiny new knife with it's maroon handle and white paper blade-cover.

On another note, last night was hell. My brother was being more like a four year old than a fourteen year old, and got my mom upset again. So they started yelling at each other and my mom was crying and he made a hole in the wall and I got so upset that I went to my friend S's house, running the whole mile-ish there. Then we watched Glee and played Smash Bros on her Wii, which cheered me up :)

Stay strong Goddesses!

-Unknown Athena

OMGOMGOMGOMG I'M SORRY!

Woah I haven't posted here in quite awhile... Damn.... I'm really sorry :(! Anyways, the time I've been gone has been, interesting. Still in track. We had our first meet yesterday two towns over. Sadly, I sucked. Not even "bad day" sucked, sucked like the biggest failure ever. During the high jump, I couldn't even clear the first height of 4 feet! I literally had to hold back tears. At discus, I fouled all 3 tries. I couldn't get the discus in the lines, and the one time I did, I stepped out of the chalk circle by like, two inches.
Worst day? Yesterday. Even more terrible? Today. It's that terrible time of the month for me, and my cramps are so bad I couldn't even go to practice! Need some rest maybe, and lots of tea. Hope I don't loose weight from that :-/

Sorry for the short post. I'm tired and in pain and *cry* not a happy Goddess!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. On the brightside, I threw the discus a good 50-ish feet!

Tired, So Very Tired...

Holy crap I'm so out of shape! :( As you can tell, track started today. It was literally a pain, mainly in my abdominal muscles. I got so many cramps and it was really hot, especially for March (I'm telling you, global warming exists!!!). Sorry that I keep complaining. I just don't like sprints. We had to do a mile (jogging) to start, then we had to stretch (which isn't hard, obviously). After that, we did these annoying runs back and forth, first high-knees, then butt-kicks, skipping, toe-touches (first hands to toes, then toes to hands), lunges, side-steps, kareokies and some other things that I can't remember. After that, I drank like, two sips of water before having to do a ton of sprints. I'm okay with long distance, but because I'm slow as hell, sprints are my week points. We didn't even get to do any events. I wanted to do high jump and maybe discus. But NO, we have to condition for TWO WEEKS before doing the events. Ulh, I'm so tired. I hate that idiot that took out nap time after kindergarten...

-Unknown Athena

HAH! You Were WRONG, -ISTS!

Yes, that is what I call the people I see on Thursdays: -ists. I see my nutritionist and therapist so I just call them the -ists. They probably thought I was going to loose weight, but NOPE, I MAINTAINED! This is a first, because every other break I've had since the start of my ED, I've lost weight. But this time, I maintained. It must've been thought delicious cookies that me and S found in Maine. They were like a fudge-y, nutty... It was just too good to explain. Think of an underdone brownie with walmuts and huge chunks of chocolate, but as a cookie! I need to go to Maine again...

Hope you all had a good break. Back to school and, ew, Regents prep... Ulh...

-Unknown Athena

P.S. The -ists think that I might be able to start dropping an Ensure Plus and adding an energy bar soon! I'm starting track & field on March 12th, so they're a bit worried about that. But soon, one less 350 (100 fat cals) calorie drink!!!!

Valentines Day...

I actually had a very uneventful Valentines Day, as expected. If fat were a feeling though, I would have felt fat all day: I got chocolate from two friends, sweet-hearts (the one's with the odd sayings that make no sense... "Jump 4 Me"? Really? My friend scratched off the "4" so it said "Jump Me"... Very funny... Moving on...), cookies, rice-krispie treats, brownies... Oh, there is more, but I'm tired and sick and stressed and ULH JUST 2 MORE DAYS 'TILL BREAK! Did I tell you that my mom is ditching me to go to California with her friend for a week? Nice one, mom. Whatever, I'm going to Maine with a friend because apparentally it's illegal for me to stay home alone for a week (though re-inacting Home Alone 1 would be interesting).
Back to Valentines Day, I was sitting in Spanish with my guy friend, let's call him A, and finishing some print out or "photocopia" my teacher says. Then these two kids sitting on the other side of the classroom (the teacher was outside doing oral tests one by one), let's call then G and J, say "OMG JUST GO OUT ALREADY!". My response: "?"
I've never really thought about A that way. He's great, really. He's funny, smart, and understanding. But I can't get my mind around us "going out", whatever that means for a Freshman in high school. We can't drink, we can't drive, we can't even go to a resteraunt without having to have a parent drive us. It doesn't make sense! So now my face gets hot and I barely make out an excuse for not dating. A backs me up, too, saying "We're just friends" and all, but I can't stop thinking about it. It's so... Ack I can't even describe how weird that would be! Anyways, I'm not really a perfect girl for a relationship. For one thing, I have anorexia and depression. Secondly, I'm like a giraffe and my skin isn't 100% flawless. I'm not thin nor fat. Not smart nor dumb. I'm average. That word irks me. Average. It's not exeptional, but it doesn't suck. Like me.

How did everyone else's Valentines Days go? I hope they weren't as awkward as mine!

-Unknown Athena

May the Gods be with you... Despite it's corniness I like it!

No Pain, No Game

Joy. I have a stomach ache. It hurts. I'm sad. I'm tired. I feel like a whiny brat. Ulh. No me gusta PMSing. I've been eating pretty well this week; my nutritionist seems a bit happier about my weight, even though I only gained like, two ounces this week. I would post a picture of a scale or an apple or a happy face but NO, that my friend is copyright infringement, and I could get my blog shut down. I think when the Mayans prophesized the end of the world being 2012, I think they ment the free internet. Evil Lamar S. Smith just had to start the dumb SOPA. I know I know, it's all about stopping piracy, but I don't want all my social networks to perish! This a generation that pretty much depends on technology for everything, and if Tumblr, Twitter, Blogspot, dA, Facebook, Flickr, etc. get shut down, I'm gonna cry. CRY MY EYES OUT. There won't be any Shane Dawson! There won't be any using of Wikipedia to aid my homework slumps! And there WON'T BE ANY FUNNY PICTURES COMING UP ON MY TUMBLR DASHBOARD! Let's just say I like my Tumblr very much. It's like Ativan; an escape from my BS reality I call life. Oh gods and godesses above, did you know this was going to happen? Why didn't you tell me? :(

-Unknown Athena