Ulh...

   I feel like a pig. My and my friend, F, were chillin' out and watching Say Yes To The Dress, and my mom brought us a bag of pita chips. F is skinny as hell, and even though everyone says I'm skinny, I feel like the f*cking potato. F ate maybe ten pita chips, whereas I ate around thirty.

   On another awful note, I didn't get accepted to one of the volleyball clubs I tried out for. I feel like $h!t. Not only am I fat, but I suck at volleyball. The club I'm trying out for next week is even more competitive.

Excuse me while I go cry.

 

-Uknown Athena

Crack

   Today was interesting, it had it's ups and downs. I guess the only thing I'll share today was in health class. Don't get me wrong, I love health class, and the teacher (she's WONDERFUL!), but today, I cracked a bit.

   Even though I've patched up the pieces of myself from my eating disorder a while ago, I couldn't help but feel my throat tighten and tear up when we got to the topic of eating disorders. Of course, I knew almost as much (if not equally) about eating disorders as my teacher, and I know I should ignore it, but then she said, "eating disorders never fully go away from the mind", I started crying a bit. Luckily, she didn't notice a thing.

   At lunch, I felt fat as f*ck from that (I have health right before lunch two out of the eight days in my school's cycle), so when I went to the local coffee shop to get hot cocoa, I ordered a small rather than a large, with skin milk, and no marshmallows or whipped cream. It tasted okay, but my sh!tty body image made it taste worse. The fact that I felt the need to order a more diet-y version of my favorite drink made me feel like sh!t.

On a brighter note, I only have maybe three to four hours of homework this weekend, then studying! Party! -____-

 

Stay Strong and Carry On xx,

Unknown Athena

Fat Fat Fat... I am Fat.

   Volleyball's finally over :( But hopefully I get into club later in November. There are tryouts in two weeks and I'm so nervous! I'm not the worst player, but I'm not the greatest. Now, I don't have anything for exersize. I used to do ab workouts in my room, but my mom caught me once and now every time I'm in my room, she checks in every couple minutes! I'm 15, not 5!

   I went to my nutritionist for the first time this month, and I have good and bad news. The good news is that I'm five-foot-eight, which is the minimum height requirement for modeling (at most places). The bad news is, I'm 129.8 pounds. 129.8! I told her I wasn't upset and the number didn't affect me, but inside I was DYING. Most likely, I gained muscle weight during volleyball, but I hate it. I can still see my collar bones, and hip bones, but you can barely see my ribs. I like my ribs, as weird as that seems :\

On another note, hope everyone on the East Coast gets through Hurricane Sandy! "SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!"

-Uknown Athena