Another Goddess Has Returned to Mt. Olympus

R.I.P. Great Aunt Mary, aged 86 years. You will be missed, and forever in my heart.

I'm really sad, and stressed. My dad had called earlier this week, saying that my Great Aunt Mary (my grandpa's kid sister) was sick and in the hospital. Today, he called again, except his news was worse; she passed away. I was writing my English essay on Catcher in the Rye, but after hearing that, how could I continue? To mourn, my nails are painted black and one red (she was a very stylish lady back in her day), and I cried and slept until now. This all started around 7-ish. Now I'm eating yogurt, ulh. I need to stop eating, or I'll get fat. I can already tell I gained a bit this past month, probably while stressing over all my stupid finals and Regents...

Now I have a heavy heart and a helluva lot of work to do. I hope all of your hearts are happier than mine.

-Unknown Athena

p.s. I got a 100 on my Spanish 2 oral, which made my day, I guess.

Valentines Day...

I actually had a very uneventful Valentines Day, as expected. If fat were a feeling though, I would have felt fat all day: I got chocolate from two friends, sweet-hearts (the one's with the odd sayings that make no sense... "Jump 4 Me"? Really? My friend scratched off the "4" so it said "Jump Me"... Very funny... Moving on...), cookies, rice-krispie treats, brownies... Oh, there is more, but I'm tired and sick and stressed and ULH JUST 2 MORE DAYS 'TILL BREAK! Did I tell you that my mom is ditching me to go to California with her friend for a week? Nice one, mom. Whatever, I'm going to Maine with a friend because apparentally it's illegal for me to stay home alone for a week (though re-inacting Home Alone 1 would be interesting).
Back to Valentines Day, I was sitting in Spanish with my guy friend, let's call him A, and finishing some print out or "photocopia" my teacher says. Then these two kids sitting on the other side of the classroom (the teacher was outside doing oral tests one by one), let's call then G and J, say "OMG JUST GO OUT ALREADY!". My response: "?"
I've never really thought about A that way. He's great, really. He's funny, smart, and understanding. But I can't get my mind around us "going out", whatever that means for a Freshman in high school. We can't drink, we can't drive, we can't even go to a resteraunt without having to have a parent drive us. It doesn't make sense! So now my face gets hot and I barely make out an excuse for not dating. A backs me up, too, saying "We're just friends" and all, but I can't stop thinking about it. It's so... Ack I can't even describe how weird that would be! Anyways, I'm not really a perfect girl for a relationship. For one thing, I have anorexia and depression. Secondly, I'm like a giraffe and my skin isn't 100% flawless. I'm not thin nor fat. Not smart nor dumb. I'm average. That word irks me. Average. It's not exeptional, but it doesn't suck. Like me.

How did everyone else's Valentines Days go? I hope they weren't as awkward as mine!

-Unknown Athena

May the Gods be with you... Despite it's corniness I like it!

New Motivation: PB + Pretzels = LOVE

Hey guys, so, I had an interesting Friday the 13th:
*I lost my iPod Touch
*My friend cracked her iPod Touch screen
*My other friend got morning detention on a G day, the one day where school starts about 45 minutes later than normal.

The good news is, I've located my iTouch. It's near my town's middle school, hopefully locked up in the main office, not some kid's locker. I absolutely flipped out when I lost it. It's not cheap, those Apple iPods. But I've e-mailed the school describing my iPod and if it's found, give it back! It has an engraving too, so that further supports it being mine. I hope I get it back soon!

On another note, I have more motivation to gain weight. My mom bought me those peanut butter-pretzel sandwich things that are the $h!t to end all $h!t. No joke, I'm addicted. I'm eating them as I type. Even though it's filled with fat (140 cals, 60 from fat; 7 grams fat, 2g sat. fat, 2 grams sugar and 4 grams protein per 9 sandwich serving), it's still addictive. Hopefully my weight goes up a bit so I can get those damn doctors off my tail. It's better than having butter, because at least I'm having a little bit of protein :-\ And only 2 grams of sugar! That's not as bad as having, I dunno, chocolate or something. I've had like, two and a half serving. Ulh, I feel fat. And tired. I slept legit, all day, but I'm still tired. Goodnight goddesses! Enjoy your three day weekends!

-Unknown Athena

3 Pounds...

I LOST 3 POUNDS I'M SO UPSET! Normally I would be happy about this but my nutritionist was going to say I would only come every other week or once a month for me! But then somehow I lost 3 pounds over winter break, despite the fact that I ate a ton of food. And no, it was not all diet "safe" foods. Think fat in fat in fat; that's what I felt like I was eating. This irritates me so much! Now I'm about 8 pounds below my goal weight of 125 lbs, not 5 pounds like it was before. Grr. And my "assignment" for the week is to use full-fat salad dressing. I hate having to eat fats, but I did it already. I just had some salad with full fat ranch dressing (Sucks to your as-mar now!! Sorry I say that a lot. Thanks Lord of the Flies...) Now I'm waiting for the main course for tonight: turkey meatloaf with sweet potato and carrots. Even though most people dislike meatloaf, it's not half bad. And because it's turkey meatloaf, it's a lot less fat then using beef. I don't eat beef, anyways. I literally had to pick out all the pieces of beef from my lasagna during my Christmas dinner. Usually I'm not a picky person but for my sanity I must!

Enjoy your evening everyone! Get some sleep to! We gods and goddesses need our beauty sleep, you know...

-Unknown Athena

P.S. I got an 83/100 on my essay for English. I'm so pissed off. I worked my a** off on that evil essay! I think I deserve better than an 83. Plus, it was the honors version of the essay. You need to get above a 93 to have an "H" next to the English 9 credit (H=Honors) on your transcript. Now it won't look as good! And I want to go to RISD for college, so I need every "H" I can get!

Theatres and Fat-People-Food

Hey guys! You guessed it; I went to the movies today. Me and my friend, let's call her Z, went to see that movie Tintin, but not in 3D. 3D ruins movies, so 2D was the way to go. It was also the only way the movie theatre showed the movie, so... Yeah. She's lost a lot of weight, and she looks lovely. I'm still puzzled how she can eat "normal people" food without guilt; buttery movie popcorn, sugar-loaded candies, smoothies, ice cream, etc. It's amazing, but I can't do it. She got a small popcorn and her sibling got sour patch kids. I had roughly a smll handful, and regretted it. It may be popcorn, one of the "diet foods", but it was movie style. Movie style = FAT FAT FATITTY FAT FAT FATTED. No, I do not care if "fatted" and "fatitty" are not in the English language... Yet (LOL was added to the English dictionary, as well as Teboing; the act of kneeling down on one knee, putting your fist to your forehead, and praying). 'Still doesn't shake away the fact that I had sodium-saturated, fat-laden food. I wish I could work out, but my mom checks on me every ten minutes or so because I was catagorized as a "compulsive exercizer"when I was admitted to the hospital, among other things. SO, she can't let me alone for ten minutes without thinking I'm doing push ups or crunches or whatever. I need help. How can I work out?! And gym class does not count. Gym is a joke to me, legit. Ulh, I want to get back to working out, and playing sports, but that leads to relapsing, and I'd rather not relapse again :(

Bleh, no me gusta!

-Unknown Athena

Just keep Typing, Just keep Typing...

Hey all! Currently in in school working on an English research project. I just finished the things I had to do, but now there's nothing else I need to do here! I gave out a lot of gifts today, and my friends are really happy. One of them was tearing up, which made me tear up. Don't you love the feeling when someone is genuinely happy with what you did? I've just experianced another first, and it feels really sweet! Last night I stayed up untill 11:30 pm making snickerdoodles and cards for my friends. My really good friends got scarves and hats that I made them, and now they're wearing them around school! :) I'm so happy beyond belief! And it's almost Christmas. Last Christmas I was in the hospital, which sucked arse. But this year, that's not going to happen. I will stay strong and fight the ED! For Christmas I'm going to see my dad's family (he's the Christian one, my mom's Jewish), which will be interesting. Some of them I haven't seen in over two years. Two freaking years! I miss them a lot. I can't wait to see them! Oh, and happy 3rd night of Hannukah to those who celebrate :) My family finished the latkes me and my mom made last night; they were really good! We baked them instead of frying them, so they're way less fattening ^___^.

If I don't write until after Christmas, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and a wonderful New Year!

-Unknown Athena

I hate this... A lot...

Does anyone feel the same way? About rejection, that is. R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N, rejection. By definition (taken from Wikipedia):
"... in psychology, an interpersonal situation that occurs when a person or group of people exclude an individual from a social relationship"
Doesn't it sound just lovely?... Not. I mean, it didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would be, because a few of my friends and even a bit of myself thought that I'd get rejected anyways, but still... How does one face the truth? I pretty much confessed! A re-worded freaking confession! Well, I said "as friends," so does it count as a confession? I hope not, or this could get awkward. At least it's not like I'm now part of a small section of those who've been rejected. A lot of people have been rejected, considering how many people have asked someone. Well, then again, it's just an 8th grade boat dance, nothing big, like Senior Prom :/...

-___-
Unknown Athena

P.S. I tried Chinese food for the first time in months! And I'm not talking about the diet menu, the REAL DEAL, covered-in-oil crap. And it actually tasted okay, until the guilt came in... Hate guilt...

The City's so pretty

Hey! That rhymes! Currently I'm looking out from my dads new apartment, and I can see the City lights sprinkled across the sky. It's so pretty, I really wish I took my camera! Maybe later I'll watch the end of Julie and Julia, trying not to think about the amount of calories I had today. Sadly my dad's really pushy about things, so I swear when I wasn't looking he snuck more oil into the pan when we were making teriyaki shrimp and chicken.... At least I walked a lot. The mall here is huge, and I got a lot of walking in. I bought a skirt from Wet Seal; and it's love at first sight. The skirt's long, to my ankles, and has a boho-y, hippie-like pattern. Can't wait to wear it!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. What's your favorite place to look at?

Oh... It's you. Hey there, Ensure...

The one worst thing about gaining weight; Ensure, especially Ensure Plus. If you don't know what Ensure is (and be happy you DON'T have to take it), it's this smoothie-imitation that has a (fill in the blank)-load of vitamins, minerals, and my "good old friend" calories. My favorite flavor is probably vanilla, because the chocolate... It'll never taste like the real thing. And if you ever have to take this terrible excuse for a shake, don't try the strawberry. Supposedly it tastes like pepto-bismle (which I probably spelled SERIOUSLY wrong, but hey, we all have imperfections, right?), and I don't think downing 8 ounces of it would be a joy-ride. So take it from me, don't try this stuff.
Today I got a haircut, which was okay, if you like waiting for an hour to actually sit in the seat :|. Then I went home to cook some dinner; chicken stir-fry with Jasmine rice. My only real fear in the yummy dish was the fact that I added some sesame oil at the end to up the flavor. At first I was thinking of not eating it, but I remembered that isn't an option (thanks, mom), and I like rice. And DBT and CBT. I can't remember what they mean but it was some process in the hospital we [the patients] learned so we can work out problems. Thank the Gods that I'm free from it all! Actually, no, I'm not free. Yet :)

-Unknown Athena