Ulh...

   I feel like a pig. My and my friend, F, were chillin' out and watching Say Yes To The Dress, and my mom brought us a bag of pita chips. F is skinny as hell, and even though everyone says I'm skinny, I feel like the f*cking potato. F ate maybe ten pita chips, whereas I ate around thirty.

   On another awful note, I didn't get accepted to one of the volleyball clubs I tried out for. I feel like $h!t. Not only am I fat, but I suck at volleyball. The club I'm trying out for next week is even more competitive.

Excuse me while I go cry.

 

-Uknown Athena

Fat Fat Fat... I am Fat.

   Volleyball's finally over :( But hopefully I get into club later in November. There are tryouts in two weeks and I'm so nervous! I'm not the worst player, but I'm not the greatest. Now, I don't have anything for exersize. I used to do ab workouts in my room, but my mom caught me once and now every time I'm in my room, she checks in every couple minutes! I'm 15, not 5!

   I went to my nutritionist for the first time this month, and I have good and bad news. The good news is that I'm five-foot-eight, which is the minimum height requirement for modeling (at most places). The bad news is, I'm 129.8 pounds. 129.8! I told her I wasn't upset and the number didn't affect me, but inside I was DYING. Most likely, I gained muscle weight during volleyball, but I hate it. I can still see my collar bones, and hip bones, but you can barely see my ribs. I like my ribs, as weird as that seems :\

On another note, hope everyone on the East Coast gets through Hurricane Sandy! "SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE!"

-Uknown Athena

Piggy did Good for Once...

   I'm so tired it's crazy! Yesterday I had an all-day volleyball tournament. We had to be at the school at 7 am (on a SATURDAY!), and we got back around 6 pm. My coach made me play middle, and I usually play right side. That was interesting, in short. We played 5 games, and then we moved on and played a 6th game. Another team came that wasn't invited as well. Awkwaaaaaaaaaard...
  
   I ate like a pig, because the gym in the school we went to was huge and hot and gross. I drank a good three bottles of water, and snacked like a mad woman. There were SOOOOO many bad foods there: Chex Mix, pizza, cookies, candy, chips, popcorn, etc. I tried really hard to eat healthy foods, but it didn't exactly work out :(

   On the bright side, I played really well considering it was my first time playing middle. I got some blocks, some hits, and even got my serve in! My coach said that I got a starting spot on our game on Tuesday. I'm happy!!

Enjoy your three-day weekends!

-Unknown Athena

Sophomore Year = HELLLLLLLLLL

   So I haven't posted in a while... Please don't shoot me! I've been SO busy. The homework load for Algebra 2/Trig., AP World, Chemistry, Spanish and Studio Art are MASSIVE. I have a problem set, textbook work in AP World and A2T, a lab for Chemistry to finish, a million and six verbs to memorize for Spanish 3, and finish a bunch of sketchbook things for art.

   Oh yeah, and I have 3 hours of volleyball a day, and games go on until around 7-8 pm. And my mom makes me eat like a pig... And I'm on my period, so I'm fat as hell and I'm breaking out :(

   I want to crawl into a hole and come out only when high school is over for the year....

-Unknown Athena

Welcome Back!

Hey everyone, so today was my first day back at high school. I'm a sophomore... Woah. My classes were okay, but only 20 minutes long because we had a 2-hour delay (so the freshmen can get used to school by doing various activities with their "Big Buddies"), advisory groups, and an asembly. I already have a ton of homework, and it's crazy. I still need colored pencils for AP World, Chemistry and Spanish 3. I'm pretty confused. I'm in 10th grade, not 1st!

Oh, and volleyball is tough. School ends at 2:50 p.m., and volleyball practice is from 3-6p.m. It was really hot and humid, and after running around and playing, I was literally drenched in sweat. Hey, at least it's exercise!

Welcome Back Everybody!

-Unknown Athena

Nervous!

Today I have my first scrimage for volleyball. I'm so nervous! There are now 9 girls on my team in total. One of the freshmen quit to join the cheerleading squad. I literally died. Competitive cheer is one thing, but to quit volleyball to cheer for sweaty Juniors and Seniors who don't care at football games? Weird...

So yeah, I'm nervous. We technically don't have enough people to play, but we're pulling the two sophomores on Varsity to play on JV for now but act like they're trying out for Varsity. Lying is fun :)

I ate a bowl of Kashi instant oatmeal and a cup of hot cocoa (AKA: Nesquik and 1% milk in the microwave). I hope that'll sustain me until lunch, if I eat any...

Stay strong!

-Unknown Athena

Excited and Nervous: School

School starts on the 4th of September. I'm so nervous but also excited. I'm nervous because I don't know all of my teachers, but excited to see what sophomore year holds for me.

My Schedule:

P1: AP World

P2: Algebra 2

P3: English 10

P4: Health/Band

P5: Art

P6: Spanish 3

P7: Chemistry

P8: Lab/P.E./Study Hall

There's a volleyball scrimage tomorrow. There's only 10 girls on my team, total. Only 7 or 8 can make it. On the bright side... More court time for me!

Enjoy the rest of the summer!

-Unknown Athena

My Laziness to Post is Scary

Hey everyone! I'm back from camp! 4 week without technology... IN THE BAG! Okay, so I used my phone maybe once or twice to inform my parents on what to send me, but other than that, I stuck to snail-mail.

So camp was awesome. I met a ton of people from all over the world. Pakistan, Nigeria, Scotland, China, Australia, Russia, France, Spain, Venezuela... You name a place, I know someone from there. There were even two guys who asked me to the camp dances.

Literally, my heart raced both times. The first time, it was weird because I barely knew the guy, and he didn't call my pretty. He called me "hot". Sure, I'll take the compliment, but trust me guys, it's better to call a girl pretty than hot. The next session, a guy from Nigeria asked me. We were in the same soccer intensive that morning, and his sister was in my cabin. His whole cabin came to pick my cabin up, to walk us to the dance. It was really sweet. Let's call the guy "P", held my hand the whole way while we talked about corruption and weird things in America. Yup, how romantic. There were only a few slow dances, but when they did play, we danced together. We were so close that our foreheads were practically touching! I never danced with anyone like that. It felt strange, but in a good way. A few of the girls in my cabin said he was leaning in to kiss me (!!!!!), but I didn't notice. It would have been nice to have my first kiss like that. I mean, I'd never see him again, but then it wouldn't be so awkward. Plus, he left the next day because it was the end of camp. But before he left, he told me he liked me. Not just as a friend, like he had romantic feelings for me. That was a first. The whole experiance was a first, and not just with guys. I sang in front of the whole camp. Twice. I sang "Drops of Jupiter" by Train and "Blackbird" by The Beatles. My legs were shaking the whole time, but I got so many compliments afterward. All I could say was "thank you", because if I said, "No, I'm not that good of a singer", that would make me seem like I was fishing for more compliments, which would not be the idea.

I'm gonna miss camp so much. 6 years, hot damn. Next summer, maybe I'll go back as a CIT, but I know that I can't stay there forever. I'll have to get a "real job", whatever that means...

On another note, my eating wasn't much of a problem. I got sick once, but that was most likely because I had a big salad at lunch and dinner, so I "had too much roughage" according to the camp nurse. Sure, I skimped out on fats and carbs a lot, but only because I let myself have a treat from the camp store every so often. The "treats" would range from a fudge pop to Sour Patch Kids or Skinny Cow Ice Cream (they had it, and my day was made).

I gained a lot of muscle, too. When I got home last week, pre-season for volleyball started. I ran an 8 minute and 12 second mile yesterday. Hope I improve!

Enjoy the rest of your summers!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. Sorry this was such a long post. Hope I didn't bore you...

Nothing Can Compare to the Lack of Posting...

Oh hey guys, so, I haven't checked in with you for quite some time... I'm really sorry about that. My life has been really really busy lately, so the computer has felt like miles away from me. But I shall put my whole life from last time I posted until now in a pretty way, if you want to read it...

June 22nd, 2012:
I celebrated my last day of school (though I hadn't been in school since the 20th), and my birthday a day early. I had a BBQ at the park with a bunch of my friends, and we had a pretty good time, nix the rain, thunder and lightning. Hey, at least we got front row seats, if you know what I mean. We all hid under the pavillion like idiots, and blew bubbles while we waited for it to stop thundering. We were right there, near the water. It was both frightning and exillerating!

June 23rd, 2012:
My birthday! Except I didn't really spend it on myself. That morning, I went to my neighbor's bar mitzvah, which was okay, because I only went to the morning services. It was kinda cute, because my neighbor loves baseball. I mean, he really loves baseball, so the whole thing revolved around that. Then I slept a bit afterwards and went to my first Sweet 16. It was awesome, I'm not gonna lie. There was a Japanese theme, so there were candles and pink shells and origami people on the tables... It was seriously awesome! Plus it was at a fancy shmancy place, so that was a plus.

June 24th, 2012:
This day was fun, as well as (mostly) the whole week. I started volleyball camp at the high school, and I worked on my serve and hits. I was mainly helping the little kids, so they all looked up to me like I was God, along with a few of my friends from the volleyball team. Apparently I'm Queen of the Floor Nation, because I dove for the ball a lot and somehow ending up on the floor after almost every single play.

June 25th, 2012:
Had to help my dad and grandpa pack. My grandpa's kid sister passed away earlier this month, and my grandpa passed a few years ago, so he's going to move in with my dad. My really snotty aunt came over the next day and took all of my grandma's old jewelry. She brought my cousins, so my grandpa couldn't complain. I seriously want to kick my aunt in the vagina... She left nothing for me. She hadn't talked to my grandpa in almost 2 freaking years, and then just comes over and takes all of grandma's things, and leaves. What a bitch, I tell you!

June 26th, 2012:
Had to go to the doctor's office to get a physical; height, weight, blood pressure, all that jazz. Then I had to get two shots, for reasons I'm not really sure of. If I didn't tell you yet, I have the biggest fear of needles, ever, it's ridiculous! One of them was a two-part thing, so I have to go back in December to get the second half. I was a crying mess. I was shaking and bawling like a baby. My right arm got the shot that went into my muscle, so it was sore for a few days. The left arn got the other one, so it wasn't so bad. But still, I hate myself for being such a baby.

June 27th and 28th, 2012:
Flipping heat waves, enough said. Volleyball was hell because the gym felt like a million and two degrees F.

June 29th, 2012:
Because I was too much of a bloody, bawling mess on Wednesday, I had to go back to get bloodwork done on Friday. I was hyperventilating and shivering, and felt like I had a hangover afterwards (I've never been drunk or hungover, so I'm just using the word from what I've been told) because I was really dizzy. Then I went home and played with Delilah, so it was better

June 30th, 2012:
Got my late grandma's sewing machine back. It's from the 1950's (I think the guy at the Singer Store said 1955 was when they were manufactured), and hadn't been used in a good ten years or so, and it really needed some TLC. Me and my dad tried oiling it with 3-in-1 oil that you would use in cars... Bad idea. But the people over at the Singer Store fixed it up and now it runs perfect! After we took the sewing machine back, my dad and I went over to the diner and had lunch. Being in a fat-feeling mood, I got a salad with grilled chicken and honey mustard. It was pretty good and filling.

July 1st, 2012:
Felt like shit, so I literally slept all day. My mom woke me up for meals, but other than that, I slept like a baby.

July 2nd, 2012:
More shit-feeling, but less. My mom forced me to go to Kohls to get bras and shorts for camp, because I'm lacking proper shorts (they have to touch your thumbs or lower when your arms are at your sides...) and bras that actually fit me... Then I went home and slept more. I swear I'm becoming more and more like an owl... Or just a fat bear who hibernates during the summer.

So that is my life up until now. Hope you didn't fall asleep. My life isn't all fun and games, it's actually quite boring :\

Hope you stay cool in the heat! xx

-Unknown Athena

Just Two More Weeks, No, LESS!

   Whoa... The volleyball season has gone by so fast. It seems like just yesterday I came into pre-season in my splatter-painted spandex and big orange camp shirt, expecting to be the top of the game. Oh that was hilarious!! We just had our 4th-to-last game. It was for breast cancer awareness. We played another school and the whole place was covered in a ton of pink stuff; pink balloons, pink streamers, pink cupcakes... Let's just say I'd rather not see any more pink for awhile. Both us (JV) and varsity won our games, which was awesome, and some people won stuff from the raffle. Some guy won a tanning gift card... LAWLZ.... I had two cookies, and this HUGE marshmallow that was covered in chocolate and dipped in orange and brown sprinkles... On a STICK. It was love, people. LOVE.

Have an awesome weekend!!

-Unknown Athena

Just don't do it, honestly.

So I've been sick for the past week, and finally gave in and didn't go to school yesterday (Friday). Had to miss varsity's game, and emailed my coach telling her that. She probably won't play me in the next game. But she always does that. She never plays me. Actually, she played me a few times, but in a blink of an eye I'm out. It sucks. I've thought of quitting multiple times, but the season's almost over. I can handle it. Only 5 games left, and I'm done.

.......................................................

Now onto what I really wanna talk about: eating disorders. Yeah, the thing I've had for a year or so, it's done for me, I hope. But not for everyone. Today, I found a whole new part of blogs that freak the crap out of me: ED blogs.
Ever seen 'em? Ya know, the ones with the girls who talk about their binges and purges, weight loss, life problems, all that jazz. It's depressing to look at. It's not even interesting. It's sad. It's something you pity in a person. "Oh, they have an eating disorder, that sucks," the worst part is that you can only comment on their posts and hope the harsh truth gets to them. There are these bloggers who think that wasting themselves skinny by starving themselves and purging TV dinners is totally the norm, and that someone will eventually will help them. Well guess what? They won't. No one is going to help these people with the click of the computer mouse. You have to put in some effort, girls (and guys). I put in my effort. I take those damn Ensure Plus's every freaking day. They taste nasty, yes, but do I drink all 350 of those artificial calories, twice a day? Yes. I want to be healthy, I don't want to starve myself dead. If you want your organs to eat each other, get heart attacks, and get yourself killed, go ahead. But feeling sorry for yourself won't do you any good...

....................................................................................................................

Oh my GODDESS I finished my rant. Sorry about that, folks. I've just been really annoyed with this so I had to get it out of my system. As you can tell, I'm sick. I'm so sick that Ensure is starting to taste good! HELP ME!

-Unknown Athena

Volleyball is like the Fashion Industry: One Moment You're In, the Next You're OUT...

... All you volleyball players know it's true. Let's just say I had a bad day today... Actually I have time and you're my kind viewers, so I should explain myself. Okay, from the beginning. Here goes nothing:

*deep breath* So today we had an away game against this ghetto-y town where everyone thinks you're going to get raped or mugged (not really my opinion, but what-evs), and we all thought, hell we're gonna kick ass. Varsity lost real bad, which was depressing because I was super excited to see them win. We lost too, but not before me epically blanking out on my positions and ended up loosing like, four points and crying after being subbed out :\ I'm not the best player but I try hard, okay!! Then after a few of my teammates half-tried-half-didn't-give-a-damn cheered me up, and we lost. I think we could've won, but trust me, that team we pretty decent, and a hell-ova lot better then other teams we've played. I'm still upset, even with the New Year coming... Hopefully the New Year brings good fortune... *exhales*

-Unknown Athena

P.S. How do you guys deal with having bad playing days? I'd love the advice so I don't have another awk-o-taco episode :\

BUMP! SET! SPIKE! (NO, that was actually another SET)

On a serious note, I'm sorry I haven't posted in pretty much forever. Let's just say high school + volleyball + appointments + homework = recipe for no free time whatsoever. I currently don't like high school all too much. It's so... Boring. Nothing like in the movies with the mean girls and the drama and the ignorant teachers... It's so not what I expected!! But on a better note, both us (JV) and varsity volleyball won our homecoming games! They won 3/4 of the games they played (they play best 3 out of 5) and we won 2/2 (we usually play best 2 out of 3, but they wanted varsity to go so none of our spectators had to leave before varsity kicked arse). I also had to babysit a girl while doing all of this... Let's just say it was an interesting day. The football players watch our game (God knows why), and call out each hit we make. They failed most of the time, it was kinda funny, actually. And a lot of parents came and everyone cheered, and everyone except our opponents was super-happy... Spirit week is now over, and let the rest of the boring Freshman Year begin!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. Did anyone else win their homecoming games in their sports? Hope so! ;)
P.P.S. My doctor said I'm "doing well" so I can play volleyball for the rest of the season (given that I keep my weight up... Which will so happen)!!

Deep Breathes, Athena, Deep Breathes

I need to rant. Like. Now. So, you're kinda, sorta, going to be reading my rants that the world can now see... IN HD! Just kidding. Maybe not. Okay I'm totally lying. *Deep breath* My ranting starts now:

My house smells like $h!t, my dog smells like $h!t, I feel like $h!t, my mom made me eat like a bulimic, my mom's being a nag, my dog's an idiot, it's 11:30 at night, I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm eating even though I'm deathly full, I'm scared I won't make the volleyball team, I'm probably going to miss Fashion's Night Out, my brother's acting like a know-it-all, I'm tired, it's too loud, Zoe doesn't know how to use a bu-day (even though she's Portuguese), I don't even know how to spell bu-day, and Shana's Budew won't freaking evolve!

... There, I'm done. A freaking skunk made my dog go nuts and get infested with that gross skunk-y smell, my mom was yelling, my brother was doing nothing, and I had to give my stupid dog a bath at eleven o'clock at night. Last Saturday of Summer = Ruined.

Goodnight!
-Unknown Athena