Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Nervous!

Today I have my first scrimage for volleyball. I'm so nervous! There are now 9 girls on my team in total. One of the freshmen quit to join the cheerleading squad. I literally died. Competitive cheer is one thing, but to quit volleyball to cheer for sweaty Juniors and Seniors who don't care at football games? Weird...

So yeah, I'm nervous. We technically don't have enough people to play, but we're pulling the two sophomores on Varsity to play on JV for now but act like they're trying out for Varsity. Lying is fun :)

I ate a bowl of Kashi instant oatmeal and a cup of hot cocoa (AKA: Nesquik and 1% milk in the microwave). I hope that'll sustain me until lunch, if I eat any...

Stay strong!
-Unknown Athena

Monday, August 27, 2012

Excited and Nervous: School

School starts on the 4th of September. I'm so nervous but also excited. I'm nervous because I don't know all of my teachers, but excited to see what sophomore year holds for me.

My Schedule:
P1: AP World
P2: Algebra 2
P3: English 10
P4: Health/Band
P5: Art
P6: Spanish 3
P7: Chemistry
P8: Lab/P.E./Study Hall
There's a volleyball scrimage tomorrow. There's only 10 girls on my team, total. Only 7 or 8 can make it. On the bright side... More court time for me!
Enjoy the rest of the summer!
-Unknown Athena

Friday, August 24, 2012

My Laziness to Post is Scary

Hey everyone! I'm back from camp! 4 week without technology... IN THE BAG! Okay, so I used my phone maybe once or twice to inform my parents on what to send me, but other than that, I stuck to snail-mail.

So camp was awesome. I met a ton of people from all over the world. Pakistan, Nigeria, Scotland, China, Australia, Russia, France, Spain, Venezuela... You name a place, I know someone from there. There were even two guys who asked me to the camp dances.

Literally, my heart raced both times. The first time, it was weird because I barely knew the guy, and he didn't call my pretty. He called me "hot". Sure, I'll take the compliment, but trust me guys, it's better to call a girl pretty than hot. The next session, a guy from Nigeria asked me. We were in the same soccer intensive that morning, and his sister was in my cabin. His whole cabin came to pick my cabin up, to walk us to the dance. It was really sweet. Let's call the guy "P", held my hand the whole way while we talked about corruption and weird things in America. Yup, how romantic. There were only a few slow dances, but when they did play, we danced together. We were so close that our foreheads were practically touching! I never danced with anyone like that. It felt strange, but in a good way. A few of the girls in my cabin said he was leaning in to kiss me (!!!!!), but I didn't notice. It would have been nice to have my first kiss like that. I mean, I'd never see him again, but then it wouldn't be so awkward. Plus, he left the next day because it was the end of camp. But before he left, he told me he liked me. Not just as a friend, like he had romantic feelings for me. That was a first. The whole experiance was a first, and not just with guys. I sang in front of the whole camp. Twice. I sang "Drops of Jupiter" by Train and "Blackbird" by The Beatles. My legs were shaking the whole time, but I got so many compliments afterward. All I could say was "thank you", because if I said, "No, I'm not that good of a singer", that would make me seem like I was fishing for more compliments, which would not be the idea.

I'm gonna miss camp so much. 6 years, hot damn. Next summer, maybe I'll go back as a CIT, but I know that I can't stay there forever. I'll have to get a "real job", whatever that means...

On another note, my eating wasn't much of a problem. I got sick once, but that was most likely because I had a big salad at lunch and dinner, so I "had too much roughage" according to the camp nurse. Sure, I skimped out on fats and carbs a lot, but only because I let myself have a treat from the camp store every so often. The "treats" would range from a fudge pop to Sour Patch Kids or Skinny Cow Ice Cream (they had it, and my day was made).

I gained a lot of muscle, too. When I got home last week, pre-season for volleyball started. I ran an 8 minute and 12 second mile yesterday. Hope I improve!

Enjoy the rest of your summers!
-Unknown Athena
P.S. Sorry this was such a long post. Hope I didn't bore you...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Off to Camp!

My week has been fun and busy. Busy and fun. Fun fun fun, and busy, busy, busy. This past week, I was in Maine, which was fantastic. My friends, S, Z and T, let's call them, came with me, and we had a blast. We went shopping in Portland, and went to the beach a lot. The water's so cold there! And while it was in the 70s and 80s in Maine, it was in the 90s and 100s in New York. HAH!

I came home on Friday, and this morning I visited my twin brother J at his camp in MA. We went out to lunch with our parents and my dog, and we found Alice's Resteraunt (the one from that Woody Guthry song). It was cool. I got stationary. Then we went to my dad's house and had dinner with my grandpa who recently moved in. He's been in poor health, but he seemed a lot more happy and energetic, probably because my dog was there. He likes dogs. He should get one when his health improves.

Around 8 was when I got home, and because my camp doesn't offer computers or internet access, this shall be my last post for a month, unless in two weeks I can visit the town's library during Visiting Day and sneak a post...

Can't wait for camp tomorrow! Hope you all have a wonderful, happy and healthy summer! My goal is to build a bit of muscle in camp. There's tons to do, so I'll never be caught chilling in my bunk ;)

-Unknown Athena

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Cured?

Just got back from the nutritionist. I hadn't seen her in a really long time (maybe a month or so?), so we had a nice little chat. We were talking about my "feelings" about my eating disorder. Do I define myself by my eating disorder. What does my eating disorder mean to me? All that kind of stuff. She thinks that this will be one of the last times I'll see her in her office again!

But does that mean I'm cured? Will my eating disorder vanish? Will Ana ever come back? Will I remember her if she returns? I'm kind of confused as to whether or not I can call myself "cured" or anorexia and depression. I still get depressed. I still feel fat, but does that make me an anorexic? Even if it lingers like old perfume, will I still be able to say I'm "cured"? I'm not sure if I can let it all go yet. I spent so much time on Ana: tracking calories, exercising my a** off, restricting, skipping social events... Can I really just blow it off like dust?

Hope you are enjoying the Summer!
-Unknown Athena

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Feeling Fat in NYC

Hey everybody! So today I went to NYC, because my mom and my aunt were going to see a play. They have some subscription thing to see a play every month, because they flipping love the theatre. I came along to hang out with my cousin whom I haven't seen in forever. She's an EMS, and is pretty much always on the job. We hung out while our moms watched their play. They said it was about some guy who had a 6 foot 3 imaginary friend that was a bunny... Strange, but okay. So my cousin and I went to the big Forever 21 with 5 floors, and "window shopped" because all the things I tried on didn't fit me and the one shirt I liked didn't have my size. Go figure, we weren't meant to be :(. Then we went to Godiva where my other cousin works and got two free chocolates. Once we left the nice air-conditioned chocolate haven, we went to Aeropostale because my cousin (who is 22 now) wanted to get shirts. When Aeropostale had a sale, GO. The shirts were 2 for $10, and usually $30 each. I am not going to shell out that kind of money for a shirt worth less than $10, so it was good. I didn't get anything, but my cousin got some stuff. After that, we went to Sephora where I got some Hello Kitty perfume and my birthday gift from them, a fresh lip set. It smells really good. I can't wait to use them!

Once we were done with that, we met back up with our moms and my cousin who works at Godiva came and we ate some Thai food. It was good, but really filling. I had chicken Pad Thai, which is like full flavor and fat city. I ate a lot because my mom was watching me the whole time like I would die if I didn't eat every flipping bite. Then she made me have some sticky rice which tasted like nothing, and some mango ice cream that was more like ice than cream. At least we got to go to Sanrio afterwards. My old Hello Kitty lunchbox is "too small" (a.k.a. normal sized, but my mom, who rules my life, says I need another one), I needed another one. I got a cute hemp-like bag to serve as a new lunch box. It's cute. I like it.

Once I came home and walked the pup, my mom drilled me into eating half a bag of Nestle Dark Chocolate Morsels. I feel sick now. I was never a bulemic, but I want to throw up right now. I just feel like total $h!t. Ever had one of those moments? Yeah, that's me right now. After a real good day, it kind of stinks to feel this way.

I've been having the worst sleeping habits recently. I've gone to bed around two am and waking up between 10 and 12 noon. Maybe when my mom falls asleep (she's a deep sleeper), I can get in a quick workout in the basement. Hopefully the dog doesn't bark or anything. She's not much of a music pup. I don't understand her at all.

Hope you all had a spectacular day. Stay strong!
-Unknown Athena

Friday, July 6, 2012

Tell It Like It Is!

I follow lots of blogs, and even though some of them can be a bit dreary and unhelpful towards my recovery, they are so true! I was reading one blog, called (Size) Zero Intentions, and one of her posts made me almost jump up and want to shout and run around and do happy dances. Though I have never experienced these "haters", I think they should leave. Now. Silent haters, I don't mind. Hate in your mind, not on the internet, or to anyone or anywhere else for that matter. Click here to read the post. She should get a cyber hug for that. I'm actually a pretty shy person in real life, but on the internet, I'm a lot more out there, if that makes any sense. I'm not as afraid to speak my mind as in school or at home where my twin brother judges me like there's no flipping tomorrow. I've probably said this a million times, but we are polar opposites. He's sporty, and I'm lazy. I get good grades, he's average. We're different.

On another (and happier) note, I got to finally go swimming at my friend's pool. It's been really really hot, so when she called me, I practically wanted to run to her house, even though it's on the other side of town. So I went swimming, and got some exercise in, even though I had biked a few miles before in the terrible heat. Hopefully I can build some muscle in camp so when volleyball season starts, maybe I'll be a starting player on the team. Only 6 are allowed on the court at a time, so it's a real jungle trying to get the coach to both like you and think you're good.

Don't die in the heat my darlings xx
-Unknown Athena
P.S. I feel lonely sometimes... Don't be afraid to comment! I like to know that someone out there reads this :)