Feeling Fat in NYC

Hey everybody! So today I went to NYC, because my mom and my aunt were going to see a play. They have some subscription thing to see a play every month, because they flipping love the theatre. I came along to hang out with my cousin whom I haven't seen in forever. She's an EMS, and is pretty much always on the job. We hung out while our moms watched their play. They said it was about some guy who had a 6 foot 3 imaginary friend that was a bunny... Strange, but okay. So my cousin and I went to the big Forever 21 with 5 floors, and "window shopped" because all the things I tried on didn't fit me and the one shirt I liked didn't have my size. Go figure, we weren't meant to be :(. Then we went to Godiva where my other cousin works and got two free chocolates. Once we left the nice air-conditioned chocolate haven, we went to Aeropostale because my cousin (who is 22 now) wanted to get shirts. When Aeropostale had a sale, GO. The shirts were 2 for $10, and usually $30 each. I am not going to shell out that kind of money for a shirt worth less than $10, so it was good. I didn't get anything, but my cousin got some stuff. After that, we went to Sephora where I got some Hello Kitty perfume and my birthday gift from them, a fresh lip set. It smells really good. I can't wait to use them!

Once we were done with that, we met back up with our moms and my cousin who works at Godiva came and we ate some Thai food. It was good, but really filling. I had chicken Pad Thai, which is like full flavor and fat city. I ate a lot because my mom was watching me the whole time like I would die if I didn't eat every flipping bite. Then she made me have some sticky rice which tasted like nothing, and some mango ice cream that was more like ice than cream. At least we got to go to Sanrio afterwards. My old Hello Kitty lunchbox is "too small" (a.k.a. normal sized, but my mom, who rules my life, says I need another one), I needed another one. I got a cute hemp-like bag to serve as a new lunch box. It's cute. I like it.

Once I came home and walked the pup, my mom drilled me into eating half a bag of Nestle Dark Chocolate Morsels. I feel sick now. I was never a bulemic, but I want to throw up right now. I just feel like total $h!t. Ever had one of those moments? Yeah, that's me right now. After a real good day, it kind of stinks to feel this way.

I've been having the worst sleeping habits recently. I've gone to bed around two am and waking up between 10 and 12 noon. Maybe when my mom falls asleep (she's a deep sleeper), I can get in a quick workout in the basement. Hopefully the dog doesn't bark or anything. She's not much of a music pup. I don't understand her at all.

Hope you all had a spectacular day. Stay strong!

-Unknown Athena

No Me Gusta Heat Waves

It is ridiculously hot out. Think in the high 90's! It's crazy. Yesterday, I was stupid and decided to take a bike ride along the river, and there was zero wind. Nada. Nothing. I'm pretty sure that I looked like I got sprayed with water, but that water was sweat. Gross. Meh.

When I got home I took the coldest shower of my life, but it still didn't feel that cold because I was so hot. At least I got to go swimming in my friend's pool afterwards. That's one of the perks of having friends with pools; you get to go in them! It was for some Girl Scout party, because we finished our hell-ish year. Yes, I'm a Girl Scout. Laugh all you freaking want. But I have access to the cookies, so I pretty much am a Goddess of the Cookies :3

On another note, I feel fat as heck because I had a lot of fear foods there:
-Pizza
-Pasta
-Full-fat dressing on salad
-Cake
-Cupcakes

It was like I was in an inescapable horror movie. So many fatty foods, and I couldn't say no! All the girls in the troop had made them, so I couldn't just say "No thanks" because it would be rude, and saying "I don't want to get fat" as a reason would be super rude.

So yeah, that's my summary of events. Oh yeah, I had my Geometry Regent on Wednesday. It was unbelievably easy. My teacher kept saying, "It will be really hard [so study your a** off]", but it was the easiest thing I ever did in Freshman year! Now I'm considered a Sophomore... It's weird...

Don't die in the heat!

-Unknown Athena

New Motivation: PB + Pretzels = LOVE

Hey guys, so, I had an interesting Friday the 13th:
*I lost my iPod Touch
*My friend cracked her iPod Touch screen
*My other friend got morning detention on a G day, the one day where school starts about 45 minutes later than normal.

The good news is, I've located my iTouch. It's near my town's middle school, hopefully locked up in the main office, not some kid's locker. I absolutely flipped out when I lost it. It's not cheap, those Apple iPods. But I've e-mailed the school describing my iPod and if it's found, give it back! It has an engraving too, so that further supports it being mine. I hope I get it back soon!

On another note, I have more motivation to gain weight. My mom bought me those peanut butter-pretzel sandwich things that are the $h!t to end all $h!t. No joke, I'm addicted. I'm eating them as I type. Even though it's filled with fat (140 cals, 60 from fat; 7 grams fat, 2g sat. fat, 2 grams sugar and 4 grams protein per 9 sandwich serving), it's still addictive. Hopefully my weight goes up a bit so I can get those damn doctors off my tail. It's better than having butter, because at least I'm having a little bit of protein :-\ And only 2 grams of sugar! That's not as bad as having, I dunno, chocolate or something. I've had like, two and a half serving. Ulh, I feel fat. And tired. I slept legit, all day, but I'm still tired. Goodnight goddesses! Enjoy your three day weekends!

-Unknown Athena

3 Pounds...

I LOST 3 POUNDS I'M SO UPSET! Normally I would be happy about this but my nutritionist was going to say I would only come every other week or once a month for me! But then somehow I lost 3 pounds over winter break, despite the fact that I ate a ton of food. And no, it was not all diet "safe" foods. Think fat in fat in fat; that's what I felt like I was eating. This irritates me so much! Now I'm about 8 pounds below my goal weight of 125 lbs, not 5 pounds like it was before. Grr. And my "assignment" for the week is to use full-fat salad dressing. I hate having to eat fats, but I did it already. I just had some salad with full fat ranch dressing (Sucks to your as-mar now!! Sorry I say that a lot. Thanks Lord of the Flies...) Now I'm waiting for the main course for tonight: turkey meatloaf with sweet potato and carrots. Even though most people dislike meatloaf, it's not half bad. And because it's turkey meatloaf, it's a lot less fat then using beef. I don't eat beef, anyways. I literally had to pick out all the pieces of beef from my lasagna during my Christmas dinner. Usually I'm not a picky person but for my sanity I must!

Enjoy your evening everyone! Get some sleep to! We gods and goddesses need our beauty sleep, you know...

-Unknown Athena

P.S. I got an 83/100 on my essay for English. I'm so pissed off. I worked my a** off on that evil essay! I think I deserve better than an 83. Plus, it was the honors version of the essay. You need to get above a 93 to have an "H" next to the English 9 credit (H=Honors) on your transcript. Now it won't look as good! And I want to go to RISD for college, so I need every "H" I can get!

Theatres and Fat-People-Food

Hey guys! You guessed it; I went to the movies today. Me and my friend, let's call her Z, went to see that movie Tintin, but not in 3D. 3D ruins movies, so 2D was the way to go. It was also the only way the movie theatre showed the movie, so... Yeah. She's lost a lot of weight, and she looks lovely. I'm still puzzled how she can eat "normal people" food without guilt; buttery movie popcorn, sugar-loaded candies, smoothies, ice cream, etc. It's amazing, but I can't do it. She got a small popcorn and her sibling got sour patch kids. I had roughly a smll handful, and regretted it. It may be popcorn, one of the "diet foods", but it was movie style. Movie style = FAT FAT FATITTY FAT FAT FATTED. No, I do not care if "fatted" and "fatitty" are not in the English language... Yet (LOL was added to the English dictionary, as well as Teboing; the act of kneeling down on one knee, putting your fist to your forehead, and praying). 'Still doesn't shake away the fact that I had sodium-saturated, fat-laden food. I wish I could work out, but my mom checks on me every ten minutes or so because I was catagorized as a "compulsive exercizer"when I was admitted to the hospital, among other things. SO, she can't let me alone for ten minutes without thinking I'm doing push ups or crunches or whatever. I need help. How can I work out?! And gym class does not count. Gym is a joke to me, legit. Ulh, I want to get back to working out, and playing sports, but that leads to relapsing, and I'd rather not relapse again :(

Bleh, no me gusta!

-Unknown Athena

So scared, EEP!

I'm nervous. It's Christmas Eve. I'm going to my grandpa's house, and it may be his last. He's 87 years old, and though I hate to think about it, he may not be around much longer. Also, my dad is cooking. We were originally going to go out to a diner to eat (where I could get a salad with grilled chicken or some other healthy alternative to greasy-fatty food), but apparently the diner closes at 3 pm, so now I'm going to have to keep my cool while consuming 1500+ calories from my dads completely authentic Italian food. He uses whole-milk cheeses and everything. Olive oil (it's good for you, but I'm still fearing those damn lipids), whole milk cheese, fried chicken cutlets... Oh Gods! I really hope I can pull through. I'm seeing family who have heard about my anrexia-episode too, so they're probably going to force me to eat a lot. EEP HELP ME! I'm worried!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. This probably won't post because I'm using my mom's laptop and my brother will never get off the "family" computer, so this may or may not go up after I actually wrote the post. Sorry Gods and Goddesses :(

P.P.S. Happy Holidays everyone!