No Me Gusta Heat Waves

It is ridiculously hot out. Think in the high 90's! It's crazy. Yesterday, I was stupid and decided to take a bike ride along the river, and there was zero wind. Nada. Nothing. I'm pretty sure that I looked like I got sprayed with water, but that water was sweat. Gross. Meh.

When I got home I took the coldest shower of my life, but it still didn't feel that cold because I was so hot. At least I got to go swimming in my friend's pool afterwards. That's one of the perks of having friends with pools; you get to go in them! It was for some Girl Scout party, because we finished our hell-ish year. Yes, I'm a Girl Scout. Laugh all you freaking want. But I have access to the cookies, so I pretty much am a Goddess of the Cookies :3

On another note, I feel fat as heck because I had a lot of fear foods there:
-Pizza
-Pasta
-Full-fat dressing on salad
-Cake
-Cupcakes

It was like I was in an inescapable horror movie. So many fatty foods, and I couldn't say no! All the girls in the troop had made them, so I couldn't just say "No thanks" because it would be rude, and saying "I don't want to get fat" as a reason would be super rude.

So yeah, that's my summary of events. Oh yeah, I had my Geometry Regent on Wednesday. It was unbelievably easy. My teacher kept saying, "It will be really hard [so study your a** off]", but it was the easiest thing I ever did in Freshman year! Now I'm considered a Sophomore... It's weird...

Don't die in the heat!

-Unknown Athena

Feeling Better, Along With Other Things...

Completed my first Final of high school! This morning (at 8 in the morning) I had to go to school just to take a Global Final. To my surprise, I thought it was fairly easy. But, for all I know, I could have screwed everything up and got a zero.

As you can see, I'm kinda, sorta obsessed with memes at the moment. They're quite funny, sometimes. If any of you are on Instagram, follow edmemes . It's my wonderful take on my eating disorder. Follow at will :3

Also, I just got back from a bike ride with my twin brother. We don't usually get along all too well, but today, I guess we were on good terms and decided to take the bike trail. The bike trail in my town goes from one park to the other. It's around 5 miles altogether, but because my brother needed to go to basketball practice (he's crazy. going from biking to basketball with no break? idiot...), we only did around 4.5. Because I love my memes, here's another one, just for you:

Enjoy your Day!

-Unknown Athena

Another Goddess Has Returned to Mt. Olympus

R.I.P. Great Aunt Mary, aged 86 years. You will be missed, and forever in my heart.

I'm really sad, and stressed. My dad had called earlier this week, saying that my Great Aunt Mary (my grandpa's kid sister) was sick and in the hospital. Today, he called again, except his news was worse; she passed away. I was writing my English essay on Catcher in the Rye, but after hearing that, how could I continue? To mourn, my nails are painted black and one red (she was a very stylish lady back in her day), and I cried and slept until now. This all started around 7-ish. Now I'm eating yogurt, ulh. I need to stop eating, or I'll get fat. I can already tell I gained a bit this past month, probably while stressing over all my stupid finals and Regents...

Now I have a heavy heart and a helluva lot of work to do. I hope all of your hearts are happier than mine.

-Unknown Athena

p.s. I got a 100 on my Spanish 2 oral, which made my day, I guess.

I'm Such an Idiot Sometimes...

MY WEEKEND IN A NUTSHELL:

So my friend, let's call her K, hates me. I was being a stupid idiot, as always. The title of the post shouldn't even be "I'm Such an Idiot Sometimes", it should be, "I'm Such an Idiot All The Time". What happened was, we (Me, K, and some other friends) were chilling in the gym on Friday, and I said something completely stupid. She was talking about how nice my brother is, and even though I'm his sister (I naturally hate him), he is still unlikeable. He always tells me how ugly all my friends are, and how some of them look like elves, or a "fat" or whatever, so I wanted to tell K how it really is. I told her, and she flipped the shit on me. I couldn't even say anything I was so shameless. I really felt like cutting that night (and still do...) but I haven't yet. I really want to apologize on Monday but K is one of those people that either forget it the next day or hold a grudge against you for the rest of your life. Seeing that she declined to my Facebook invite for my 15th birthday party, she's probably going to hold a grudge against me for the rest of my life. What should I do? I'm so nervous that I feel sick!

Hope your weekends are going better than mine... If you're in the same boat I'm in, good luck on all your finals and Regents!

-Unknown Athena

A Won Failure for Me!

Hey guys! My week has been decent so far. I have a science test 8th period that I barely studied for, and an outline for an essay for Romeo and Juliet due tomorrow. Yesterday, I went to a track meet, home, us against the town next to us. Their guys were really fast, and wrecked our guys. Our cgirls killed their girls. I did high jump and discus. For high jump, I jumped 3'6", which sucked. My seed is 4'6"... For discus, my best was 48'8". I'm not sure which place I got, but I know I wasn't last! My twin brother did well in his events too. I'm so jealous of him; he can literally eat ANYTHING he wants to eat, from salad to cookies to oil-drenched pizza and steak, and still doesn't gain weight! So many guys think that a girl's dream is to meet their perfect man. BULLSHIT. A girl's number 1 dream is to be able to eat anything they want and not get fat!

-Unknown Athena

Week of Hell

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. And sorry for saying sorry so many freaking times. I seriously need to stop saying sorry so much : Anyways, I'm in school, in Arts & Crafts, a.k.a. the easy A class. I literally have a 97 average without trying. It's the same with my 98 average in Spanish, but that might be because I have a sucky teacher who is super slow. At least I don't have him today. But this week will be hell, let me tell you.

I have three known tests this week, all on the same freaking day!! On Thursday, first period (normally second period, but it's going to be a double even day, so...) I have a Geometry Triterm, which has the same concept of a midterm, only in the third quarter (even though it's the fourth quarter now...). After that, I have band. Then lunch. After lunch, I'm faced with a Spanish exam, which would be easy if I would actually memorize the meanings of the words and didn't have to translate English into Spanish. Of course my teacher would do it the hard way : After that, I'm hit with an Earth Science unit test on Earth's energy. Two or three weeks ago (I was on break last week, but I'm still counting it), I missed a day of school because I felt like total crap, and my evil teacher decides to start a whole new unit. BULL. ABSOLUTE BULL. So Thursday is going to make me want to restrict, maybe even cut. At some wierd Pampered Chef thing my mom made me go to earlier, I somehow won a paring knife. Of course I won the knife of all things. So now whenever I go into my room, I see the shiny new knife with it's maroon handle and white paper blade-cover.

On another note, last night was hell. My brother was being more like a four year old than a fourteen year old, and got my mom upset again. So they started yelling at each other and my mom was crying and he made a hole in the wall and I got so upset that I went to my friend S's house, running the whole mile-ish there. Then we watched Glee and played Smash Bros on her Wii, which cheered me up :)

Stay strong Goddesses!

-Unknown Athena

Tired, So Very Tired...

Holy crap I'm so out of shape! :( As you can tell, track started today. It was literally a pain, mainly in my abdominal muscles. I got so many cramps and it was really hot, especially for March (I'm telling you, global warming exists!!!). Sorry that I keep complaining. I just don't like sprints. We had to do a mile (jogging) to start, then we had to stretch (which isn't hard, obviously). After that, we did these annoying runs back and forth, first high-knees, then butt-kicks, skipping, toe-touches (first hands to toes, then toes to hands), lunges, side-steps, kareokies and some other things that I can't remember. After that, I drank like, two sips of water before having to do a ton of sprints. I'm okay with long distance, but because I'm slow as hell, sprints are my week points. We didn't even get to do any events. I wanted to do high jump and maybe discus. But NO, we have to condition for TWO WEEKS before doing the events. Ulh, I'm so tired. I hate that idiot that took out nap time after kindergarten...

-Unknown Athena

HAH! You Were WRONG, -ISTS!

Yes, that is what I call the people I see on Thursdays: -ists. I see my nutritionist and therapist so I just call them the -ists. They probably thought I was going to loose weight, but NOPE, I MAINTAINED! This is a first, because every other break I've had since the start of my ED, I've lost weight. But this time, I maintained. It must've been thought delicious cookies that me and S found in Maine. They were like a fudge-y, nutty... It was just too good to explain. Think of an underdone brownie with walmuts and huge chunks of chocolate, but as a cookie! I need to go to Maine again...

Hope you all had a good break. Back to school and, ew, Regents prep... Ulh...

-Unknown Athena

P.S. The -ists think that I might be able to start dropping an Ensure Plus and adding an energy bar soon! I'm starting track & field on March 12th, so they're a bit worried about that. But soon, one less 350 (100 fat cals) calorie drink!!!!

I'm Baaaaaaaack!

Hey guys! Sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I was in Maine for the last week because my mom went to California. It was lots of fun: I had the BEST COOKIE EVER. And I bought a ton of CDs, and I got, wait for it, a Pokemon game! It's like reliving my childhood. The game I bought was the Pokemon Sapphire for the Game Boy. It's so ancient that they don't make or sell Game Boys or Gme Boy games. :(

Sorry that this post is so short. I just am in an "I Feel Fat" mood and I want to try some new ab workouts. I'm pretty sure I gained a pound or two in Maine. Well, I'll find that out on Thursday when I see my therapist and nutritionist.

Stay Strong and Carry On!

-Unknown Athena

Valentines Day...

I actually had a very uneventful Valentines Day, as expected. If fat were a feeling though, I would have felt fat all day: I got chocolate from two friends, sweet-hearts (the one's with the odd sayings that make no sense... "Jump 4 Me"? Really? My friend scratched off the "4" so it said "Jump Me"... Very funny... Moving on...), cookies, rice-krispie treats, brownies... Oh, there is more, but I'm tired and sick and stressed and ULH JUST 2 MORE DAYS 'TILL BREAK! Did I tell you that my mom is ditching me to go to California with her friend for a week? Nice one, mom. Whatever, I'm going to Maine with a friend because apparentally it's illegal for me to stay home alone for a week (though re-inacting Home Alone 1 would be interesting).
Back to Valentines Day, I was sitting in Spanish with my guy friend, let's call him A, and finishing some print out or "photocopia" my teacher says. Then these two kids sitting on the other side of the classroom (the teacher was outside doing oral tests one by one), let's call then G and J, say "OMG JUST GO OUT ALREADY!". My response: "?"
I've never really thought about A that way. He's great, really. He's funny, smart, and understanding. But I can't get my mind around us "going out", whatever that means for a Freshman in high school. We can't drink, we can't drive, we can't even go to a resteraunt without having to have a parent drive us. It doesn't make sense! So now my face gets hot and I barely make out an excuse for not dating. A backs me up, too, saying "We're just friends" and all, but I can't stop thinking about it. It's so... Ack I can't even describe how weird that would be! Anyways, I'm not really a perfect girl for a relationship. For one thing, I have anorexia and depression. Secondly, I'm like a giraffe and my skin isn't 100% flawless. I'm not thin nor fat. Not smart nor dumb. I'm average. That word irks me. Average. It's not exeptional, but it doesn't suck. Like me.

How did everyone else's Valentines Days go? I hope they weren't as awkward as mine!

-Unknown Athena

May the Gods be with you... Despite it's corniness I like it!

No Pain, No Game

Joy. I have a stomach ache. It hurts. I'm sad. I'm tired. I feel like a whiny brat. Ulh. No me gusta PMSing. I've been eating pretty well this week; my nutritionist seems a bit happier about my weight, even though I only gained like, two ounces this week. I would post a picture of a scale or an apple or a happy face but NO, that my friend is copyright infringement, and I could get my blog shut down. I think when the Mayans prophesized the end of the world being 2012, I think they ment the free internet. Evil Lamar S. Smith just had to start the dumb SOPA. I know I know, it's all about stopping piracy, but I don't want all my social networks to perish! This a generation that pretty much depends on technology for everything, and if Tumblr, Twitter, Blogspot, dA, Facebook, Flickr, etc. get shut down, I'm gonna cry. CRY MY EYES OUT. There won't be any Shane Dawson! There won't be any using of Wikipedia to aid my homework slumps! And there WON'T BE ANY FUNNY PICTURES COMING UP ON MY TUMBLR DASHBOARD! Let's just say I like my Tumblr very much. It's like Ativan; an escape from my BS reality I call life. Oh gods and godesses above, did you know this was going to happen? Why didn't you tell me? :(

-Unknown Athena

To be or not to be, THAT is the question

This week I've been debating whether or not I consider myself to be pro-ana. I finally realized what the term "pro-ana" means a month or so ago; it means to be for anorexia. My former self was all for it, and I almost killed myself with the damn disease! But now that I'm recovering, I'm not so sure what I think of it. Anorexia is no joke. Anorexia can't just be erased. I still sometimes think of fasting or dieting or over-exersizing or giving away my food (which I still do... sometimes). I know it's not good and I shouldn't be doing it, but I can't help it. The ED (eating-disorder) still manifests within myself. I still pick the "safe" foods over the fatty, other choices, but I at least know that I'm doing something wrong. Look up the song "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin' Park. That song pretty much sums up how I felt pre-hospital, pre-relapse, and every now and again. Uuuuuulh my mind is spinning and I really don't like it!

-Uknown Athena

P.S. I have so much homework! I have Japanese, science, math, and a TON of English homework! Wish me luck while I bust my goddess-booty finishing it all while watching my guilty pleasure, Cupcake Wars :-)

3 Pounds...

I LOST 3 POUNDS I'M SO UPSET! Normally I would be happy about this but my nutritionist was going to say I would only come every other week or once a month for me! But then somehow I lost 3 pounds over winter break, despite the fact that I ate a ton of food. And no, it was not all diet "safe" foods. Think fat in fat in fat; that's what I felt like I was eating. This irritates me so much! Now I'm about 8 pounds below my goal weight of 125 lbs, not 5 pounds like it was before. Grr. And my "assignment" for the week is to use full-fat salad dressing. I hate having to eat fats, but I did it already. I just had some salad with full fat ranch dressing (Sucks to your as-mar now!! Sorry I say that a lot. Thanks Lord of the Flies...) Now I'm waiting for the main course for tonight: turkey meatloaf with sweet potato and carrots. Even though most people dislike meatloaf, it's not half bad. And because it's turkey meatloaf, it's a lot less fat then using beef. I don't eat beef, anyways. I literally had to pick out all the pieces of beef from my lasagna during my Christmas dinner. Usually I'm not a picky person but for my sanity I must!

Enjoy your evening everyone! Get some sleep to! We gods and goddesses need our beauty sleep, you know...

-Unknown Athena

P.S. I got an 83/100 on my essay for English. I'm so pissed off. I worked my a** off on that evil essay! I think I deserve better than an 83. Plus, it was the honors version of the essay. You need to get above a 93 to have an "H" next to the English 9 credit (H=Honors) on your transcript. Now it won't look as good! And I want to go to RISD for college, so I need every "H" I can get!

Happy New Year!

Sorry this is a bit late, but, Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a splendid vacation (if you had one) and ate lots of yummy foods and had lots of fun. I went to my grandpa's house, then went to my great aunt & uncles house, then went back to my grandpa's house. Slept there. Went home. It was pretty good, I think. I got to see my cousins whom I haven't seen in awhile (by awhile I mean at least 2-3 years), and some other relatives.

We had super-Italian food; lasagna (I had to pick out the pieces of meat because I don't eat red meat), eggplant parm., salad with Italian dressing, ham, chicken, and a hell-of-a-lot-of dessert. There were cookies, upon cookies upon cookies; cakes and cupcakes and pie and tea and coffee and tarts and chocolates and chocolate dipped fruits and carbs alike. It was crazy. Oh, and grapes. Good ol' grapes. I had a ton of them, since they were one of the healthier choices. My mom was so mad when I came home and told her that. She was all like "You should've had more cake and pie and cookies! You need to gain weight!". My response: "I KNOW ALREADY!". It's true. I know I need to gain weight, but knowing and acting are two very different things.

Hope you all have some new years resolutions! I'll post mine sometime soon!

-Unknown Athena

Theatres and Fat-People-Food

Hey guys! You guessed it; I went to the movies today. Me and my friend, let's call her Z, went to see that movie Tintin, but not in 3D. 3D ruins movies, so 2D was the way to go. It was also the only way the movie theatre showed the movie, so... Yeah. She's lost a lot of weight, and she looks lovely. I'm still puzzled how she can eat "normal people" food without guilt; buttery movie popcorn, sugar-loaded candies, smoothies, ice cream, etc. It's amazing, but I can't do it. She got a small popcorn and her sibling got sour patch kids. I had roughly a smll handful, and regretted it. It may be popcorn, one of the "diet foods", but it was movie style. Movie style = FAT FAT FATITTY FAT FAT FATTED. No, I do not care if "fatted" and "fatitty" are not in the English language... Yet (LOL was added to the English dictionary, as well as Teboing; the act of kneeling down on one knee, putting your fist to your forehead, and praying). 'Still doesn't shake away the fact that I had sodium-saturated, fat-laden food. I wish I could work out, but my mom checks on me every ten minutes or so because I was catagorized as a "compulsive exercizer"when I was admitted to the hospital, among other things. SO, she can't let me alone for ten minutes without thinking I'm doing push ups or crunches or whatever. I need help. How can I work out?! And gym class does not count. Gym is a joke to me, legit. Ulh, I want to get back to working out, and playing sports, but that leads to relapsing, and I'd rather not relapse again :(

Bleh, no me gusta!

-Unknown Athena

Just keep Typing, Just keep Typing...

Hey all! Currently in in school working on an English research project. I just finished the things I had to do, but now there's nothing else I need to do here! I gave out a lot of gifts today, and my friends are really happy. One of them was tearing up, which made me tear up. Don't you love the feeling when someone is genuinely happy with what you did? I've just experianced another first, and it feels really sweet! Last night I stayed up untill 11:30 pm making snickerdoodles and cards for my friends. My really good friends got scarves and hats that I made them, and now they're wearing them around school! :) I'm so happy beyond belief! And it's almost Christmas. Last Christmas I was in the hospital, which sucked arse. But this year, that's not going to happen. I will stay strong and fight the ED! For Christmas I'm going to see my dad's family (he's the Christian one, my mom's Jewish), which will be interesting. Some of them I haven't seen in over two years. Two freaking years! I miss them a lot. I can't wait to see them! Oh, and happy 3rd night of Hannukah to those who celebrate :) My family finished the latkes me and my mom made last night; they were really good! We baked them instead of frying them, so they're way less fattening ^___^.

If I don't write until after Christmas, I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and a wonderful New Year!

-Unknown Athena

Stress and Sickness

Ulh I had to miss Friday because of my stupid sickness! I have the flu, and it is not fun at all. I slept for a good majority of the day, and then today, I had to help my mom clean out her closet. She's getting our bathroom redone or something, and putting in a shower, too. No clue why, but, it's her house. Let me tell you; it was AWEFUL. My mom can't seem to give things away very easily, so a sick Goddess *cough cough me*, had to do a lot of negotiating. Finally, after hours, we got about 3 big garbage bags full of unwanted bags/purses/clothes/etc. to Goodwill. Hopefully people make use out of the stuff.

Oh, and I have an essay due Monday on the Lord of the Flies and a short story called the Sniper. Which I have barely started. And textbook work in both math and global history. Oh, and did I forget to mention that I have a vocabulary test on around 70 words on Friday and a unit test in Earth Science on Wednesday? Joy -_______________-. I'm FREAKING OUT!!

G'night Gods and Goddesses! We need our beauty sleep!

-Unknown Athena

(P.S. this was written Friday, but it wouldn't post, so...)

Silver Award!

Another thing I'm not quite sure I've mentioned on here: I'm a girl scout. Still. Laugh all you want, because I've been a girl scout for eight years, I think. Since first grade. I'm in 9th grade. So yeah, eight years. I got my "Bronze Award" in 6th grade or something. Apparently all of this stuff looks good on you resume and college applications, so that's the main reason I'm still in girl scouts. Also, I need at least 25 hours or community service before I graduate, so girl scouts is pretty much an easy "A" for that. But I think that if you get like, 25 hours every yeas, or something, you get a better diploma or something like that.

Back to girl scouts, I just earned my Silver Award. Tomorrow I have to go to the girl scout counsal and attend the "Silver Award Seremony", which I'm pretty sure is just a three hour waste of my time. They call up every girl, one by one, to get a little plastic pin painted silver. It's awful, I've heard. Now I have to waste three or more hours of my time when I could be studying. I have three tests this week, and I'm not so confident that I'll ace them all. Especially global history. We're having a Greek geography quiz, and I'm not so good at labeling things on a map, let alone memorize the names of all the places!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. I did enter the contest I had talked about earlier. Wish me luck! :)
P.P.S. I had three slices of my dad's homemade pizza without guilt. My nutritionist will be so happy!

You were only waiting for this moment to arrive...

... Not really. Falling on my face in the middle of a semi-crowded hallway is not something I really was waiting for. So yeah, I fell on my face. Like a baby. Why? My shoes. My stupid, skater-looking DC's are the ones to blame. More specifically, the laces. They're like, as long as my height, completely unlaced. Even when they're tied, they still drag along at least a foot or so. There were a bunch of Juniors and Seniors in the hall because they had second lunch, so that was pretty embarrassing. Luckily one of the girls in Art Club came over and helped me up. She's really nice, that girl. She's that kind of person that you could never hate because she seems so pure. Not many people like that exist, sadly, and I am not one of them. Not saying that I'm a mean person, I'm just not that obvious.

My knees are still sore, and they look like they're starting to bruise. During study hall, which was the next period, I cut my laces super-short and tied the ends together, because one of my friends freaked out. "No! Not the aglets!" He said. I don't remember how to spell "aglets", but that's how it sounds. It's that little plastic seal at the ends of shoe laces. Well, they went bye-bye! HAHA!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. My inspiration for the title was Blackbird, if you couldn't tell >.< Yay Beatles! I love them so much!

Racking in the Cash!

Yay I'm officially a babysitter! This is my first ever job!! Today I took two girls to the movie theatre and watched Puss in Boots (thank Athena it wasn't 3D! 3D ruins movies!). Their parents went out for dinner or something. The girl's parents paid for my ticket, so I only had to buy some ice cream afterward. And I got $40! AND I got Modelland! Success! Yeah, let's just say I'm quite a happy kid... And I absolutely love Tyra Banks. She's my role model. I really want to be like her when I grow up!
Yesterday I went to the nutritionist and she said in the near future I might be about to substitute one of my two Ensure Plus's with legit food! Less Ensure Plus = A happy Unknown Athena! This weekend is going pretty darn well, besides the fact that I have a ton of homework and I only got four hours of sleep last night. -____- At least all my quarterly exams are done... For now...

-Unknown Athena

P.S. What was your first job?