Week of Hell

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. And sorry for saying sorry so many freaking times. I seriously need to stop saying sorry so much : Anyways, I'm in school, in Arts & Crafts, a.k.a. the easy A class. I literally have a 97 average without trying. It's the same with my 98 average in Spanish, but that might be because I have a sucky teacher who is super slow. At least I don't have him today. But this week will be hell, let me tell you.

I have three known tests this week, all on the same freaking day!! On Thursday, first period (normally second period, but it's going to be a double even day, so...) I have a Geometry Triterm, which has the same concept of a midterm, only in the third quarter (even though it's the fourth quarter now...). After that, I have band. Then lunch. After lunch, I'm faced with a Spanish exam, which would be easy if I would actually memorize the meanings of the words and didn't have to translate English into Spanish. Of course my teacher would do it the hard way : After that, I'm hit with an Earth Science unit test on Earth's energy. Two or three weeks ago (I was on break last week, but I'm still counting it), I missed a day of school because I felt like total crap, and my evil teacher decides to start a whole new unit. BULL. ABSOLUTE BULL. So Thursday is going to make me want to restrict, maybe even cut. At some wierd Pampered Chef thing my mom made me go to earlier, I somehow won a paring knife. Of course I won the knife of all things. So now whenever I go into my room, I see the shiny new knife with it's maroon handle and white paper blade-cover.

On another note, last night was hell. My brother was being more like a four year old than a fourteen year old, and got my mom upset again. So they started yelling at each other and my mom was crying and he made a hole in the wall and I got so upset that I went to my friend S's house, running the whole mile-ish there. Then we watched Glee and played Smash Bros on her Wii, which cheered me up :)

Stay strong Goddesses!

-Unknown Athena

OMGOMGOMGOMG I'M SORRY!

Woah I haven't posted here in quite awhile... Damn.... I'm really sorry :(! Anyways, the time I've been gone has been, interesting. Still in track. We had our first meet yesterday two towns over. Sadly, I sucked. Not even "bad day" sucked, sucked like the biggest failure ever. During the high jump, I couldn't even clear the first height of 4 feet! I literally had to hold back tears. At discus, I fouled all 3 tries. I couldn't get the discus in the lines, and the one time I did, I stepped out of the chalk circle by like, two inches.
Worst day? Yesterday. Even more terrible? Today. It's that terrible time of the month for me, and my cramps are so bad I couldn't even go to practice! Need some rest maybe, and lots of tea. Hope I don't loose weight from that :-/

Sorry for the short post. I'm tired and in pain and *cry* not a happy Goddess!

-Unknown Athena

P.S. On the brightside, I threw the discus a good 50-ish feet!

Tired, So Very Tired...

Holy crap I'm so out of shape! :( As you can tell, track started today. It was literally a pain, mainly in my abdominal muscles. I got so many cramps and it was really hot, especially for March (I'm telling you, global warming exists!!!). Sorry that I keep complaining. I just don't like sprints. We had to do a mile (jogging) to start, then we had to stretch (which isn't hard, obviously). After that, we did these annoying runs back and forth, first high-knees, then butt-kicks, skipping, toe-touches (first hands to toes, then toes to hands), lunges, side-steps, kareokies and some other things that I can't remember. After that, I drank like, two sips of water before having to do a ton of sprints. I'm okay with long distance, but because I'm slow as hell, sprints are my week points. We didn't even get to do any events. I wanted to do high jump and maybe discus. But NO, we have to condition for TWO WEEKS before doing the events. Ulh, I'm so tired. I hate that idiot that took out nap time after kindergarten...

-Unknown Athena

HAH! You Were WRONG, -ISTS!

Yes, that is what I call the people I see on Thursdays: -ists. I see my nutritionist and therapist so I just call them the -ists. They probably thought I was going to loose weight, but NOPE, I MAINTAINED! This is a first, because every other break I've had since the start of my ED, I've lost weight. But this time, I maintained. It must've been thought delicious cookies that me and S found in Maine. They were like a fudge-y, nutty... It was just too good to explain. Think of an underdone brownie with walmuts and huge chunks of chocolate, but as a cookie! I need to go to Maine again...

Hope you all had a good break. Back to school and, ew, Regents prep... Ulh...

-Unknown Athena

P.S. The -ists think that I might be able to start dropping an Ensure Plus and adding an energy bar soon! I'm starting track & field on March 12th, so they're a bit worried about that. But soon, one less 350 (100 fat cals) calorie drink!!!!

I'm Baaaaaaaack!

Hey guys! Sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I was in Maine for the last week because my mom went to California. It was lots of fun: I had the BEST COOKIE EVER. And I bought a ton of CDs, and I got, wait for it, a Pokemon game! It's like reliving my childhood. The game I bought was the Pokemon Sapphire for the Game Boy. It's so ancient that they don't make or sell Game Boys or Gme Boy games. :(

Sorry that this post is so short. I just am in an "I Feel Fat" mood and I want to try some new ab workouts. I'm pretty sure I gained a pound or two in Maine. Well, I'll find that out on Thursday when I see my therapist and nutritionist.

Stay Strong and Carry On!

-Unknown Athena

Valentines Day...

I actually had a very uneventful Valentines Day, as expected. If fat were a feeling though, I would have felt fat all day: I got chocolate from two friends, sweet-hearts (the one's with the odd sayings that make no sense... "Jump 4 Me"? Really? My friend scratched off the "4" so it said "Jump Me"... Very funny... Moving on...), cookies, rice-krispie treats, brownies... Oh, there is more, but I'm tired and sick and stressed and ULH JUST 2 MORE DAYS 'TILL BREAK! Did I tell you that my mom is ditching me to go to California with her friend for a week? Nice one, mom. Whatever, I'm going to Maine with a friend because apparentally it's illegal for me to stay home alone for a week (though re-inacting Home Alone 1 would be interesting).
Back to Valentines Day, I was sitting in Spanish with my guy friend, let's call him A, and finishing some print out or "photocopia" my teacher says. Then these two kids sitting on the other side of the classroom (the teacher was outside doing oral tests one by one), let's call then G and J, say "OMG JUST GO OUT ALREADY!". My response: "?"
I've never really thought about A that way. He's great, really. He's funny, smart, and understanding. But I can't get my mind around us "going out", whatever that means for a Freshman in high school. We can't drink, we can't drive, we can't even go to a resteraunt without having to have a parent drive us. It doesn't make sense! So now my face gets hot and I barely make out an excuse for not dating. A backs me up, too, saying "We're just friends" and all, but I can't stop thinking about it. It's so... Ack I can't even describe how weird that would be! Anyways, I'm not really a perfect girl for a relationship. For one thing, I have anorexia and depression. Secondly, I'm like a giraffe and my skin isn't 100% flawless. I'm not thin nor fat. Not smart nor dumb. I'm average. That word irks me. Average. It's not exeptional, but it doesn't suck. Like me.

How did everyone else's Valentines Days go? I hope they weren't as awkward as mine!

-Unknown Athena

May the Gods be with you... Despite it's corniness I like it!

Stupidity and Poor Planning

I had an idea. I wanted to have a party. Screw Valentines Day and everyone being all lovey dovey with their partners, I wanted to have a party. But no party for me. I planned to late. No one can come. Tears are falling down my face. I feel like a loser. This isn't good. The voices. They're coming back. In whispers, the tell me, "stop eating, it's not worth it. what's the matter, wus? have no friends to give you joy? hah! sucks, loser. hope you enjoy your worthless life, with no friends at your funeral. look, there are some knives just feet away from you. they're shiny. they'll make you feel good. that blood? yeah, that's the sign of a good time. you should try it. c'mon, don't be scared, you dumb-sh!t! you're not wanted anyway. hurting yourself is good. c'mon, we're waiting...". I'm going f*cking insane, aren't I? I can't enjoy this month t all. I'm single, loveless, unwanted, an outcast; I could go on and on and on. This isn't fun. Life isn't fun. I want to relapse but I can't get myself to commit. Gods, what the hell is the point of life if I can't even have friends to enjoy it with?

-Unknown Athena